


Baby Stepping

by Nataloo



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dragon Age AU, F/M, M/M, Romance, Threesome - F/M/M, post-Inquisition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-04-21 02:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4811312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nataloo/pseuds/Nataloo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Blight and Corypheus defeated Alistair and Ellana have decided that now is the time to have children. But with Alistair being a Grey Warden that means his chances of having children are slim to none.</p><p>Cullen, being Ellana's best friend and the Commander of her army, agrees to help them have a child.</p><p>And so begins their next adventure. </p><p>(Post-Inquisition, alternate universe)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ellana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventual NSFW

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Ellana asked her husband.

He was determined and would not be budged... unless she truly didn't want this. They both knew this would come up. The idea of children - something that had been difficult to think about before Corypheus and the Inquisition. With Alistair being a Grey Warden, the likelihood of them having children had been unlikely at best, down right impossible at worst. But things had settled down now. The Blight was ten years past with both Alistair and the Hero of Ferelden alive and well. Corypheus was defeated and now Ellana was left with acting as Inquisitor as they tried to stabilize the rest of the rifts across Ferelden and Orlais. All things considered, now was the best time to try.

"Yes," he said determinedly and then sighed, deflating. "We've talked about this for years and we're running out of time now. I just... I just want to know that I've done everything I possibly could to make you happy."

Ellana smiled softly. "Ali, you aren't running out of time yet -"

"Yes, well if I keep running around all of Thedas on this wild goose chase for the cure instead of being here with you, I just might." He interrupted. "I don't want my life to end out there somewhere on this damn search when you're here and far away from me."

A few years after the Blight, Aedan Cousland had approached him with some leads on a cure to the taint flowing through their veins. So she had let him go knowing that a possible few years apart would mean nothing in the long run if it meant keeping her Alistair indefinitely.

But it had been a few years... and so far nothing. Alistair had left the Hero to search for the cure on his own in order to come back to Ellana having heard about the events at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. By the time he'd come back from way west, he'd heard about the Calling and Clarel's mad plan to take demons into the Deep Roads. Ellana had been so relieved that wherever he'd been, he and Aedan had not fallen victim to Corypheus's false Calling.

He hadn't made it back in time for the battle at Adamant (thank the Creators!) - reaching Skyhold at the same time as Morrigan and Keiran to meet Josephine. Josephine quickly realized that Leliana and Ellana's stories about the rivals were not quite as exaggerated as she had originally believed. Though they both loved and respected The Hero of Ferelden (the only person to keep them from trying to kill each other during the Blight), they still barely tolerated each other. Though they had both mellowed out much in the years since, their conversations still tended to lean towards the poorly concealed insults and passive aggressive comments. 

Ellana sighed. "But, Ali, if we wait for Aedan to return, we wouldn't need someone else."

He hung his head. "Maybe. We still don't know. There's no guarantee that I could still give you a child after that. Remember that my half-brother had trouble conceiving with the Queen. It could be something that we would've had problems with despite the Taint."

So that was it. He was afraid. He was so afraid of letting her down that he'd ask someone else to father her child and call it his own. For her.

Ellana gasped suddenly realizing how serious (which alone was a shock; Alistair was almost never serious) he was about this. Maybe it wasn't just because he wanted her to be able to have children - he wanted a child too. Even if that meant it had to come from a different man.

She crossed the room in a flash and was dropping light kisses across his cheeks and lips. "Okay, Ali, if you're sure about this... then we will do it. But still, there's no guarantee anyone would... I mean... it is a very odd request."

Alistair chuckled at that and wrapped her tightly in his arms. "Not nearly as odd as you think. Many nobles have done it to secure their bloodline - well it's only rumors but you know if it's a rumor then it's probably happened somewhere." He was rambling now endearing Ellana all the more. He cleared his throat. "Besides, you have many friends here, I'm sure one of them would do this for you?"

Ellana thought about it. It was true; her inner circle of friends would have done anything for her with most of them being loyal almost to a fault. But that didn't mean she felt close enough to many of them to consider such a proposal. Sex - even for the sake of conception - was not something she took lightly. 

Essentially her only options were The Iron Bull -  who probably wouldn't mind having some casual sex for them (but all his jokes about riding the bull - although not quite actual invitations - made her nervous in a way that pushed her away from the idea), Dorian, whom she admitted the love was there while the attraction definitely was not (although between his and her genetics and Alistair's personality, the child would've been absolutely fabulous), and Cullen, whom she would wholeheartedly agree to do this with. 

Her thoughts darkened at that. Cullen, although he was a very close friend, was an odd concept for her. She knew she had feelings for him. She'd realized them from the start that he was quite obviously attractive and leaving it at that for a time. With her ties to Alistair, she get her desires wrong and tried to maintain a professional distance from Cullen. But the more she got to know him, the more enchanted she had become. It was almost as if he were the mage with the spells he put on her. It had just been a simple infatuation while she waited for her Alistair to return, she'd told herself. And they were similar in personality once Cullen had opened up enough to reveal his dry sense of humor. That had drawn her in even more and after the attack on Haven, Ellana struggled with realizing that she loved both Alistair and Cullen.

Of course, she'd never said as much to either of them and stayed close friends with Cullen not understanding why exactly she couldn't stay away from him. 

This was dangerous. Very dangerous.

She gulped. "Cullen?"

"Had one in mind, did you?" Alistair laughed.

A bright red blush bloomed on her cheeks. "N-no! I was just... I was thinking of everyone and..." The blush spread down to her neck. "He just makes the most logical sense in terms of me being comfortable with a-asking and also being able to..."

"Caboodle?" His eyebrow rose in question though she could still that mischievous glint lighting his brown eyes. 

"Gah! Would you stop saying that?" She snapped although it was more nervousness than anger. "But... well... yes."she stepped away and threw her hands up in frustration. "How do you even ask someone that? And I don't even know if he'd do it. He also isn't one for casual... encounters."

Alistair laughed loudly at that as he stepped around her to rub her shoulders. "He would, my love. He'd do it for you if it meant your happiness.... That's what friends do." Lost in thought, she'd missed his pause.

"Yes but typically friends don't ask other friends to have sex with them so that the first friend can have a child."

"Ells, do you want to ask him?" All his humor was gone now. Serious Alistair had made one of his rare appearances though the fact that this had happened twice in one day kind of scared her. "Think about it. Seriously. If there were anyone else in the world - barring the fact that they could say no if you asked - you could have a child with, who would it be?"

Dorian was the much safer option, by far, if they could set aside their mutual unattraction. But the thought of having a child that was both Cullen and Alistair... it drove her mad with desire for this future to happen.

Suddenly instead of seeing a future where they'd adopted or had someone else father their child, she thought about all three of them raising the little half-elf half-human half-Alistair baby. It was an intoxicating fantasy and she wanted it.

Golden curls like Cullen's, her green eyes, a nose that would somehow be Alistair's... thinking about Alistair teaching him or her to sword fight and how to always keep the childlike wonder in the world and Cullen teaching the child to play chess and how to bark orders at soldiers while the child sat on his shoulders. They'd both be perfect fathers and... No. She couldn't have that. Could she?

She took a deep breath and met Alistair's eyes. "It would be Cullen."

He smiled warmly down at her although there was some hidden emotion behind his warmth. "Then you should ask him because whenever I try to have a serious conversation with people, it usually ends up with me offending them somehow in my wonderfully bumbling awkward way."

She blanched. Right, now she'd actually have to ask. "I think you just use that as an excuse to not have serious conversations with anyone but me." She joked though her words spilled out shakily.

He laughed and kissed her deeply. "You know me so well, my dear."  
\----------

The next morning, Ellana was so nervous she didn't eat breakfast or pay much attention to the war council. Her advisors noticed her mind was elsewhere and wrapped up saving anything unimportant for the next meeting.

As Vivienne (Leliana's replacement as spymaster) and Josephine left the room, Cullen was slow to respond choosing to stay behind to check on her.

"Are you alright, Ellana?" He asked concerned as the two walked out together.

"I'm fine!" She squeaked then huffed, exasperated. She sucked at lying to her friends. "Actually... do you mind taking a walk with me? I need to talk to you." And for good measure, she added, "Alone."

He froze, eyebrows shooting high up on his forehead. "Of course." His hand rubbed the back of his neck. Apparently he was more worried now. "Are you sure you're alright? Did something happen with Alistair?"

"Yes - well, no! Well... I don't know. I can explain better when we're alone." She rushed out. 

This was already turning out to be worse than she thought. She should have asked Dorian. It wouldn't be nearly as awkward with Dorian.... Although if he'd said yes, the consequenting encounter would have probably been awkward. They'd both probably have had to have a turn with Alistair in order to -

She broke that thought with a wild, hysterical laugh that just bubbled out of her causing Cullen to jerk in surprise. Now he was probably more worried about her sanity than anything else. "Sorry," she giggled. "I just thought of something funny and I couldn't help it." 

Dorian was not the person she'd think of inviting to a threesome. 

"Oh, do tell then." He smirked back his scar pulling the right side of his mouth up higher than the left.

She shook her head vigorously. "I'm afraid I can't. It's just too ridiculous and wouldn't make much sense to you right now anyway."

They walked through the front gates of Skyhold before she realized where they were even going. With Corypheus defeated and the Venatori a much smaller threat, everyone felt safe venturing off alone outside the keep's walls. But still, going too far risked attacks by bears and wolves. They found a quiet (not too hard out there) spot just past the walkway and right.

"You wished to speak to me alone?" Cullen started. "This is about as alone as the Inquisitor and her Commander can get without causing too much scandalous gossip from the visiting nobles."

She laughed darkly. "I'm a Dalish elf commanding a large army and married to a human Grey Warden who is the bastard son of King Maric of the ghastly dog lands. I don't think I could get more scandalous to them!"

Cullen smirked. Their disdain for nobles - especially Orlesian nobles - was one of the things that had sparked the friendship they now shared. 

"What's going on?" He asked. 

Like a switch, her snark turned off and her nerves reared their ugly heads. 

"Uh... Well, Alistair and I have been talking..." She paused. No not like that. She tried again. "You know how Grey Wardens usually can't have children?" The words flew out. "The taint in their blood makes it very hard to conceive a child and if they can, they're never really sure how it will affect the baby"

"Yes, I had heard that." Cullen responded cautiously. "Are you and Alistair trying?"

Tread carefully; don't mess this up! She warned herself.

"We are... kind of?" She stopped. Words. "You know where he's been the last few years? Searching for a cure for the taint with the Hero of Ferelden. That was why he wasn't here until after the seige of Adamant; it was the soonest he could get back." She didn't know why exactly she was saying all of this. Cullen knew as well as she did where Alistair had been.

"That could take years though. Morrigan said he and the Hero were following a lead and when Alistair returned, he was still following that lead. I suspect she and Keiran have joined him now." Cullen said - of course, he would think the same way Alistair did. Though they approached situations much differently, their line of thinking usually went in the same direction.

"I know," she said sadly.

"And he's been a Warden for over ten years now..." He didn't finish the thought seeming to realize this wasn't the point to her bringing him out here. "Why are you saying all of this?"

"Because... Alistair and I have decided we want to try to have a baby but that is highly unlikely for Alistair to have a child." This was it. The big moment. She took a deep breath and in a rush, the rest came tumbling out of her mouth before she lost her nerve. "AndIwantyoutogetmepregnant."

Cullen blinked staring blankly at her for what felt like a million years. "Wait, what?"

Slower this time! She told herself. "Cullen, you're one of the few people I care about most in this world and I - we would be honored if you fathered our child."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic so please bear with me!  
> If you're reading and enjoy it, please leave some love and let me know :)


	2. Cullen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY mild NSFW but the real NSFW stuff doesn't happen til around chapter 5 or 6.  
> If anyone happens to be uncomfortable with sex or polyamorous relationships (I suppose this may not be the story for you but who am I to judge lol), I will indicate at the beginning of the chapters whether it's NSFW and who is involved. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

The words repeated themselves in his mind like a mantra, a life preserver. 

We would be honored if you fathered our child. 

And the way she'd stumbled over the words - so nervous of his judgement or scorn or that he would say no. As if he could actually say no to that!

Ever since the headstrong, lovable little elf fell out of the Fade, she'd completely tossed out everything he thought he knew about life without a second thought. Of course, that shouldn't really surprise him anymore. After Kinloch Hold and Kirkwall, he figured he didn't right know much about life. But she had shown him! She had been a bright light, a beacon of hope for so many people, himself included. He was lucky enough to call himself her friend.

As Commander, he'd vowed to protect her life and her interests as well as all of the members of the Inquisition. As Cullen, he'd made a silent vow of his own to protect her happiness. He'd resigned himself to never being more than her friend. Aside from the biggest reason being the deep and heart-wrenchingly beautiful love she shared with Warden Alistair, he didn't think he would have ever been good enough to stand by her side as anything more. After all the things he had done regarding the mages in Kirkwall and the fights they'd had about her recruiting the rebel mages to the Inquisition, he was surprised she could see beyond the fact that he was a Templar - even if it was a life he'd left behind.

He replayed the conversation over and over throughout the day as he worked. Scratch that - tried to work. His focus couldn't get past their conversation a few hours before outside Skyhold.

_"I... you're serious?" He responded, completely stupefied._

_"Yes, Cullen, you're one of my very best friends and I trust you completely - not just with my life but with the lives of everyone here. You're a good man no matter what you believe."_

_Cullen was convinced he was dreaming but wasn't sure if this was a good dream or a nightmare._

_"Thank you, Ellana. Not just for thinking I'm a good man but for considering me in something so big, so... important as this," he paused to think carefully through his next words._

_"This sounds like it's shaping up to be a no." It was a nonchalant statement but he could see the fear and questioning in her eyes nearly completely hidden from the rest of her body._

_"No, it's not. I just... let me think about it? This is a very big thing and you know I don't take any sort of commitment lightly... I want to make sure this is what you want, what Alistair wants and..." He rambled but cut himself off just in time._

_"And what?"_

_He sighed softly. "And are you sure you want a recovering lyrium addict to be the father of your child? The child may never know who it's father is but -" he covered himself by bringing up a different thought for her to consider._

_"The lyrium isn't a problem for everyone else, Cullen. Literally everyone in Skyhold is proud of you and looks up to you for what you've accomplished getting off lyrium. You may be an addict and you may have many shadows hiding in your heart but you're not so dark as you think you are. You are walking down a path that no other has dared to try for fear of what can go wrong. You inspire the Templars who wish to break their lyrium chains as well. You inspire our soldiers to push themselves harder, to do their best because their commander is watching and wanting them to want to be the best person they could ever be." She took a shaky breath. "Just remember that, okay?"_

_He smiled completely lost in her words and the fire they lit in him. "I will. Thank you."_

_She looked back towards Skyhold's walls attempting to break the intensity between them. "You're welcome. Just... think about it and let me know when you decide." She began walking back toward the castle but then stopped to speak again. "Also, please don't think that whatever you decide will change anything between us. You will always be my best friend and-" her brow furrowed and she continued walking leaving him to wonder what she had been about to say._

Cullen sighed and rubbed his eyes. He wanted more than anything to say yes and damn the consequences. He wanted to tell himself that he just wanted it so that he could make her happy. But the more selfish and primal side of him knew that saying yes wouldn't just be a duty as her commander or as her friend. He wanted to be her love - her lover. And it seemed he could have one of those - if for just a short period of time.

He felt his cock wake up at that. Thinking of her naked skin wrapped in his arms, pressed tightly - intimately - to him, underneath him, her eyes shut tight, mouth opened in a pleased "O!" as he thrust into her over and over. He groaned pressing his palm against his length needing the pressure, wanting her to be the one stroking him, sucking him, making love to him -

Out of nowhere, an image of Alistair flashed behind his shut eyes. He jerked his head away instantly feeling guilty. Ellana was Alistair's wife. Even if she was wanting to have sex for the sake of having a child, it wasn't as if she had any sort of affection for him. This was a means to an end for her, for both her and Alistair.

But could it be for Cullen as well? Could he pretend for just a time that Ellana was his not Alistair's? Could he pretend that the child they were hoping to make would be his not Alistair's? Because make no mistake, he may biologically be the child's father, but it was clear that the child was Alistair's to raise as his own taking the Theirin name not Rutherford. 

No, he couldn't do this. Not without talking to Alistair first. Cullen needed to know what he thought about all of this.

He made his way to the stables knowing he'd find him there taking care of the horses and harts. He found him cooing softy as he brushed the purple wild hart that Ellana had coaxed home a few months before the end of the fight with Corypheus. Ellana had a way with animals that he was sure wasn't just connected to her being Dalish and more connected to nature in general. It was a trait she always attributed to Alistair. He apparently had a way with bigger, gentler beasts. But not Mabari. Cullen would never forget when she told him the story of Aedan Cousland, the Hero of Ferelden, and his Mabari war hound came to visit. Ellana's eyes had sparkled so brilliantly though they were hard to see as they were squinted nearly shut and had tears flowing down her cheeks in mirth. Her mouth had been wide open as she tried so hard to tell him about the stories Aedan had told of Alistair and Fenrir's misadventures during the Blight and her not believing him and how they'd heard a crash in their tiny kitchen and as she and Aedan ran to Alistair's rescue they'd found Fenrir sitting on his chest licking pie off his face and Alistair desperately trying to shove the beast off and failing miserably. And Cullen's heart had fallen because he knew he would never be able to make her laugh that hard. 

"Are you going to stand there staring at me all flustered or are you actually going to tell me what you're thinking?" Alistair asked without ever even turning to him.

In his armor, he knew he wasn't the quietest so he knew he wouldn't have snuck up on him. "How did you know it was me?" He replied removing his gloves to grab another horse brush to join him rubbing down the hart. 

The other man shrugged not looking him in the eyes. "I knew Ellana talked to you. Figured you would want to say something to me before you gave her your answer."

Cullen snorted. "You know me so well."

Alistair smiled reassuringly. "Had our positions been reversed, I would've done the same. Because undoubtedly, I would have been just as in love with her as you are. As we both are now."

Cullen nodded then froze actually taking in all his words. His eyes flew to see Alistair's brown eyes staring intently into him, daring him to deny it. He gulped. What would he think of Cullen's feelings? Would he tell him to ignore them because she was his and would never feel that toward Cullen?

"Yes," Cullen sighed answering the unspoken question. "I didn't want to say yes without you knowing how I feel about her." Alistair nodded for him to continue. "I love her, Alistair, and I would do anything to see her happy. Even if that means ripping my own heart out in the process - which I'm sure you realize because it's probably ripping yours out as well. To see your wife growing round with someone's child knowing no matter how much you want it, it'll never really be yours." Cullen looked away feeling the anguish build too high. He wasn't talking about Alistair and they both knew it.

"Cullen-" he paused - figuring out his next words, Cullen supposed. He sighed, giving up. "Look, I don't know how else best to say this so I'm just going to spit it out plainly because otherwise we'll both get lost in whatever I'm trying to ramble out and miss the point entirely." He looked back into Cullen's eyes to convey the seriousness of his words. "Ellana loves you too."

Cullen's brow furrowed almost covering his eyes. "What? That can't be. She has you and I'm just her friend."

"Look at you being all innocent despite what's happened in your life!" Alistair laughed then mocked him playfully. "I'm just her friend." He laughed again then became serious once more. "But I've seen the way she looks at you when she thinks no one else is looking because I'm still watching her. I'm only watching her because she's the only one I've ever seen. And those eyes she shares with you when you're not looking are the same eyes she shares with me." He paused shaking his head. "I doubt she thinks I know or even suspects but it was obvious from the moment I saw you two together."

He didn't know what to say. "And how does that make you feel?" How very impersonal to ask it that way but Cullen needed to distance himself for fear of feeling too much in front of his love's husband.

Alistair laughed. "I don't know, honestly. At first, I was jealous and upset. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to bend her over and fuck her in front of you so we would all know who's she was." Cullen was almost embarrassed at how his desire stirred with the image Alistair painted. "But then I realized that while it's obvious she loves you, it's still obvious she loves me. The same feeling for two different people. If anyone could do it, it'd be Ellana. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know and she has so much love to give. We're both lucky bastards the way I see it."

"Some luckier than others." Cullen muttered.

"Maybe but you have a chance to be just as lucky. I'd suggest you take it while you can." He said seriously.

"What are you saying? I should fuck your wife and pretend the child is really mine? I should swoop in and try to steal her from you?" His words were harsh but his tone was soft. 

"No, swooping is bad." He smirked despite himself. "What I meant was... you both have a chance to work out these feelings; you have a chance to tell her how you feel. Hell, you have a chance to have a child with the woman you love and demand to be in its life in any way you please! Are you going to just pass that up?"

"I'm sorry but are you actually encouraging me to sleep with your wife and tell her how I feel about her?!" Cullen exclaimed.

Alistair shrugged causally. "Basically."

"And what if - assuming you're right and she does feel the same way about me - she decides that because she knows how I feel now, leaves you, and marries me instead?" A dangerous game Cullen felt he was playing. But he honestly didn't understand Alistair's point of view in all of this.

"If that's what she wants, but I wouldn't stop loving her. Besides, I don't think that's what will happen. Call it a hunch or me being crazy but I think I know where this is going better than either of you do." He smirked cheekily. "I'm a lot smarter than I let people believe. I'm happy to be the dubious warrior so no one expects much out of me except some dumb or hilarious joke at all the wrong moments. I pay attention to everyone; I notice things. Especially in relation to Ellana, which is why I can see where this is going even though you two are too stubborn to actually take a look at it yourselves." He paused and desire clouded his eyes as his mind ran away from the present. "Besides, I must admit, this could be a very interesting encounter...." He shook his head seeming to feel Cullen's incredulous stare.

"Are you suggesting..."

"I am."

Well, that certainly made things... interesting.


	3. Ellana

Ellana was utterly lost as she waited for Cullen to respond to her proposition. She wasn't even sure how she felt.

On the one hand, she was terrified he'd say no because it was wrong or that he'd say no for any reason and it would mess up the beautiful friendship they had created over the last year or so.

On the other hand, she was terrified he'd say yes and how excited the prospect of not only sleeping with him but also having his child made her and she was terrified this would cause problems between both Cullen and Alistair.

Alistair was a very understanding man but there was only so much he could handle. Same as any person.

She sat in a secluded corner of Skyhold's garden contemplating their predicament and anxiously waiting his reply. Yes or no, she felt she was losing her sanity in her impatience.

She was lost in thought when Alistair found her - so lost that she didn't even notice his presence until he touched her shoulder causing her to jump.

"Coin for your thoughts, my dear?" He smiled reassuringly.

She sighed, her shoulders dropping. "I'm scared, Ali." She murmured.

"Why?" He sat and pulled her into his embrace comfortingly.

"Because this will change everything and... I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"Do you not want to do this at all?" He questioned looking worried.

"No!" Ellana almost shouted. "That's not it at all. I'm just afraid of how this will affect our relationships on the whole no matter what is decided."

"Ells, do you want to do this?" He asked seriously forcing her to look into his brown eyes.

"Yes," she replied just as seriously. But her reasons for wanting to do this were muddled, complicated. And she didn't want Alistair or Cullen to know lest they decide this shouldn't happen.

"Then let's go upstairs. Cullen is waiting for us. He wishes to speak with us both."

\------------

They reached her and Alistair's private quarters and nervousness settled solidly in her belly. The moment of truth.

Cullen was pacing with a hand gripping at his hair conveying outwardly what she felt inside. "There you are." He said more to himself than them.

"You wished to speak with us?" She asked flinching at how formal she sounded.

He paused seeming lost in thought - likely just as she had been ever since their conversation. "Yes... I thought about what you said and I have some stipulations to add."

"Anything, Cullen," she breathed. Her heart picked up double time as she listened to his words. 

"First, I want to be in the child's life. He doesn't have to know... how he was made unless you both wish it but for my sake, I want to know him - or her, it could be a girl I suppose." He was losing himself again it seemed.

Before Ellana could answer, Alistair agreed leaving no room for argument (to which there was none). She wanted Cullen in the child's life possibly more than he himself did.

"What else?" She murmured.

The mask on his face wiltled for a moment as he decided his next words but then a serious expression carefully replaced it. "Can we... at least with each other... can the three of us not pretend like none of this ever happened? I don't want to end up acting as the child's uncle or something and we all act as if fate had actually deemed it so. I don't..." he broke off not knowing how to put the feeling into words.

But Alistair seemed to understand as he stepped forward and rested his hand on the other man's shoulder reassuringly." Of course, Cullen. This isn't going to be something to sweep under a rug. Even if the rest of the world sees the child as mine, we will know and we will not pretend otherwise."

Cullen nodded, appeased.

Ellana couldn't breathe. She couldn't be sure she was hearing things correctly for all the blood rushing through her ears. Was this actually happening? Was Cullen actually agreeing to this? She gulped. "Is there anything else?"

He glanced between the couple and blushed as he looked down and mumbled out something. Alistair, being so close to him, heard him and laughed and clapped Cullen's shoulder. Being further away, Ellana missed it and was confused at the exchange.

Voicing her confusion, Alistair turned to her and said, "Cullen has asked to have some time alone with you before... things get started."

Cullen's head shot up, eyes wide. "You don't have to if you don't want to, I just... nevermind, pretend I didn't say that."

Ellana flushed and looked between the two men. Alistair was looking back at her with a smirk but his eyes were unreadable as she silently questioned him. Cullen looked about ready to melt into the floor to get away from them.

"Well, my dear," Alistair started. "Do you want that?"

"I - I..." she took a deep breath and said. "I do." 

Alistair's smirk broadened as he nodded. "That settles it then." He clapped his hands together. "Tonight?"

"Wait, wait!" Ellana suddenly shouted, lost. "We aren't going to talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about? We've agreed to Cullen's terms and request in return for what he's going to do for us. What's the use in waiting?"

"I just... you're not coming tonight?" She wasn't sure what this meant exactly. She had assumed - and if she was being honest, hoping - that Alistair would join her and Cullen, assuming Cullen agreed.

Alistair shrugged. "No, I'll let you two have a night alone. Maybe next time - unless Cullen is indeed a stud and you get pregnant right away - I'll join you." His smirk returned and there was something else behind it that she hadn't noticed before. He knew. Of course he did. She couldn't hide anything from him. "I think you two could benefit from a night alone."

\------------

Ellana's heart was racing as night slowly approached. She felt it would burst right out of her chest at the thought of this actually happening. But what of the cost? Alistair did not seem upset, in fact he was encouraging it.

Instead of going to dinner, she locked herself in her chambers with Alistair. She felt completely lost to his motivations and she hadn't felt so out of sync with him since he returned home after the Blight.

"Ali, can we talk, please?" She fretted, pacing the length of their chambers as he settled onto the couch that now sat in front of the fire place (they'd moved it; it didn't make sense for it to sit by the stairs).

"Yeeeeeeeeesssss?" He asked with a smirk. The perfect picture of relaxation. After receiving a scathing glare, he cleared his throat. "What's on your mind?"

The dam broke. "What do you mean what's on my mind?!" She threw her hands up not knowing what else to do with them. "You want me to spend the night alone with another man?"

He snorted. "We both know you want to. I don't know why you think you can fool me. I know you better than probably anyone in the entire world. I'm not sure even Leiliana or The Iron Bull could pick up on it since you and Cullen are such good friends but it's obvious to me." His words weren't full of the anger or betrayal she would expect for such an accusation - a completely true accusation at that.

She bowed her head, defeated. "Are you upset with me?"

Alistair snorted. "Of course not." He wrapped his arms around her. "If I was honestly worried about how you felt about either of us, I wouldn't have suggested it. Or would have asked you to pick anyone but Cullen. I know you love him... but I also know you love me." He kissed her lips gently before continuing with a small smile. "You have such a big heart, my love, and so much love to share. It shouldn't surprise me that I wouldn't be the only one lucky enough to receive it."

"I don't-"

He shushed her as his arms tightened pulling her tighter against him so that there was no air between the two. "That's not what I mean. Cullen is a good man. I can't tell you how happy I am that such a man is one that would father my child and love my wife and be loved by her in return. He's had a rough life since the Blight. He deserves some happiness and peace at last."

Ellana sighed, not knowing what to say. "I love you, Alistair Theirin, with all my heart. My feelings for Cullen do not and will not change that." She finally said fiercely.

Alistair kissed her gently. "I know, my love. And I love you with my whole heart. Enjoy tonight. Don't think of me, either. I want you and Cullen to be just that. I must admit, I'm tempted to join you for many reasons but you should have a night to yourselves." His eyes took on a more predatory look that he usually saved for when he was about to fuck her senseless. "I will be joining you next time."

\-----------

Alistair left sending Cullen up in his place. No, not in his place. Cullen was making his own place for all of them. There would be no replacements - as she already knew in her heart - but now he was taking a physical place beside Alistair as her lover.

She sat on her couch next to the fire place with a bottle of wine. Cullen may not need it but her nerves were so great she knew she did. She downed a glass waiting for him to arrive.

A throat cleared behind her and she nearly jumped out of her skin. "Cullen!" She gasped, "I didn't hear you come in."

He fidgeted nervously at the top of the stairs, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked around the room. "I'm much quieter without the armor." He flinched as he said it.

She giggled, relaxing. It's just Cullen, she reminded herself. "Obviously." She patted the space next to her for him to sit.

Obliging, he cleared his throat and poured himself a glass of wine. "I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of nervous here." He downed his glass much like she had and chuckled noting her empty glass. "I suppose we both are."

"Yeah," she said shakily, "this is an odd situation and even after telling myself that all of this is real, I haven't quite accepted that this isn't some magnificent dream."

He chuckled. "Magnificent dream? I hope I live up to those standards." His eyes met hers and she gasped at what she saw in them.

It's only Cullen.

His eyes were dark in the firelight but so alive, so bright. He had a small smirk on his face and he looked so relaxed compared to how he normally looked despite saying he was nervous. Without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a few chapters written past this. They just need some editing before they're posted. Alistair kept bugging me so he's going to get a few chapters as well haha


	4. Cullen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

The moment their lips met, he let out a shocked gasp. He wasn't expecting her to kiss him at all, much less on the mouth. Something about a kiss was achingly intimate and he hadn't been sure if he could handle it. To taste her sweet lips was the stuff of dreams. The reality was so much sweeter, though.

Before she could pull away, he placed one hand behind her head, cradling her there and deepening the kiss by parting his lips to lightly brush his tongue against her full lower lip. They both let out tiny whimpers as she yielded to him, letting his tongue explore the warm cavern of her mouth. She tasted sweet and bitter like the wine but sweeter still with a taste that was just _Ellana_.

Her fingers grasped tightly to his shoulders, pulling him closer and she whimpered again. His free hand rested platonically on her hip grasping almost too tight for fear of straying too far too quickly.

He pulled back after an immeasurable amount of time to rest his forehead against hers. "Ellana..." he whispered like a soft prayer.

She opened her eyes to meet his and what he saw there twisted his insides and made them hotter. In her forrest green eyes, he saw a burning, a very earthly burning like some sort of Elvhen earth goddess had chosen him as her consort and he was powerless to give her anything less than what she wanted. He'd go to the Beyond and back to bring her more than the amount of pleasure she was demanding with her eyes.

"Cullen?" She whimpered softly and the dam broke. His lips descended upon hers, pressing insistently. No longer asking but taking. Ellana's tiny hands moved from his shoulders to entwine themselves in his hair, yanking hard enough to pull his head back, parting their lips once more. 

But she didn't stop there; her lips followed a fiery path down his chin and following the path of one of his neck muscles and biting down with a tad too much zeal. He groaned loudly though he wasn't sure if it was from pain or pleasure. As she licked soothingly at the wound, he groaned again and decided it didn't matter as long as she didn't stop.

"Oh, Ellana," he sighed utterly unable to feel like his words were anything but a prayer and she his goddess.

She tugged at the hem of his shirt, pulling desperately to take it off. His hands left their place on her hips to help her in removing her shirt as well. But she realized with a huff that this hindered her even more. "Wait, let me take your shirt off first." He lifted his arms as she yanked it over his head triumphantly this time. She made a strangled noise as her fingers threw the shirt somewhere else and latched on to his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles and scars. His cock twitched as she rubbed a particularly sensitive scar over his left hip. Even in the dim lighting, she must have seen the movement beneath his pants because her hands faltered and she gasped. Cullen pressed his advantage, pushing her down into a reclining position and pushed her shirt slowly up, their breathing growing more rapid the more skin he revealed. She arched her back to help him lift her shirt off and away.

Her shirt was less lucky, though, because it landed square on top of the burning logs.

"Cullen!" She huffed halfheartedly attempting to sound upset as he kissed her again.

"Sorry," he mumbled as his lips traced down her neck. "I'll get you a million more when you're pregnant." He punctuated each word with a small bite, each one a little lower than the one before it. "You'll need shirts you can grow into."

She moaned, though he was unsure whether it was from his words or the fact that he had started sucking on her breast just above where skin met breast band. "Cullen, please!"

He pulled back to smirk at her. "Please what, my dear?"

"Take my clothes off!" She barked becoming frustrated with the amount of clothing they were both wearing.

"As my lady wishes." He ignored her breast band in favor of kissing down her belly to remove her leggings.

Once removing the rest of her clothing, he sat back and _looked_ at her. Maker, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She was so tiny and powerful and just fucking glorious in her soft, pale skin and left Cullen feeling horny and unworthy next to her. _How was Alistair able to do this every night and not feel inadequate?_ Cullen briefly wondered. But that thought was thrown aside as her impatient hands reached for the laces of his trousers. He quickly grabbed her hands and pulled her up into his arms.

"Not yet, my dear." He said as he licked at one of the marks he'd left on her chest. "If this is our only night together, I'm going to savor it and worship you in ways I've only dreamt of." With that, he scooped her up off the couch and laid her out gently on her bed with her legs hanging off the edge from the knee down. Maker, she was glorious splayed out before him with his marks on her body, breathing heavy in anticipation and wide, lusty eyes that claimed she was, in fact, the one about to be devoured by a god instead of him.

But where to start? He had many thoughts and only tonight to implement them. Strategically settling on one, possibly the most innocent of his desires, he crawled over her body resting a leg on each side of her then bent over her face planting small, sweet kisses to convey just how much he felt for her. Starting at her forehead and moving down to her temples, over each eye, the tip of her nose, across each cheek to leave little kisses and nibbles on her pointed ears - both of which caused her to gasp and subconsciously buck up against him (he stored that little pleasure spot away for later) - he told her he loved her, admired her, and respected her with each kiss down her face and neck.

But the moment his lips reached her breasts - that sweet moment his tongue swept out over the flesh of her small, Elvhen breasts, his mouth whispered different, delicious things. He told her with his tongue - at first shy, then more confidently - brushing against her nipples how much he wanted her, needed her. And as he sucked each nipple deeply into his mouth forcing her to moan and writhe against him, he told her how much he wanted to fuck her, to make love to her.

Her gasps and moans filled his ears but he almost couldn't hear them over the _thud-thud-thudding_ of his heart and his blood rushing behind his ears. But he couldn't focus on his own pounding heart; he had one night to make her heart burst in her chest the way his did when she was near him.

He trailed his kisses down, planting a small one beneath her left breast that said "I love you" and continued down her stomach, pausing only above her womb where (hopefully soon) she would be round with child. Here his kisses told her of his hopes for her and for him and for Alistair and for their yet unknown child. 

As he reached the apex between her thighs, he froze momentarily. Something about this made him believe that they were reaching the point of no return - as if they hadn't already passed it - he had to give her one last chance to back out, to make absolutely sure this was what she wanted.

"Ellana?" The one word held so many questions and when her eyes met his, he realized how utterly lost he had become in her from the moment he met her. He waited with baited breath knowing he was powerless to defy whatever she wanted. 

Her eyes twinkled with some emotion he couldn't place and _was that tears?_  He pulled away to stop this whole thing if it made her cry though it left him confused. She seemed to be enjoying this as much as he had. But instead of getting away from him, she tugged him closer. 

"Cullen, please... I-I-" she stuttered and sucked in a harsh breath as his cock accidentally brushed against her wet core. His head dropped to the crook of her neck as he stifled a low groan. She felt heavenly and he wasn't even inside her. "Just don't stop." His head lifted for amber eyes to meet sultry, almost black ones.

A moment that stood frozen in time between them and then she whispered, "make love to me."

His eyes widened and he gasped at her words. His nostrils flared as he grasped his cock and guided himself into her slowly. She gasped and her head tilted back as her mouth opened dropped open but her heavy lidded eyes were still watching him. His fantasies came to life before him and it was so much better than he could have ever dreamed of. A groan fell from his lips as his hips jerked pushing him the rest of the way inside her. 

They both moaned, shocked - frozen, locked together in the most intimate way and neither was able to do anything but savor this moment of joining. 

Her legs twitched and she took that as a cue to move. There was so much more to savor between the two of them tonight and her body was more than impatient to discover what other pleasures he could give her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed her hips up against him. The movement broke Cullen from his daze and in an instant, he followed her instruction and pulled out slowly then thrust back in harder. 

She whimpered as she bit her lip to stifle the sound. 

"No," Cullen growled. "I want to hear you. I want to hear every sound I can draw from you."

She whimpered louder at his words. Apparently Ellana could be turned on by his words as much he could be by hers. Her nails dug into his shoulders, scratching, pulling him closer undoubtedly leaving red trails in their wake. He relished it. To be marked by her physically left him with more than just a memory of this night; it gave him something to _feel_ when he no longer had her soft body in his arms to remind him. She seemed to enjoy his sounds of pleasure as well. She pulled his neck to her face and bit and sucked until he was an incoherent, thrusting mess of love bites and scars. 

"Tell me, Cullen," she purred then bit in the soft spot just above his collarbone near his shoulder. 

He grunted thrusting harder than he had meant in reaction. "Tell you what?" He growled out through clenched teeth. She felt like molten lava around him. Hot and beautiful in its naturally destructive nature. She could not possibly understand the way she utterly wrecked him much like lava doesn't understand the trees it melts down in its wake. "Tell you how I've dreamt of this moment since I met you? How the feel of you in my arms and being inside you is the first time I've felt home since before I joined the Templars?" She shuddered beneath him, moaning a quiet _yeeeesss_ as he continued. 

"Or do you want me to tell you filthy things that are _not_ romantic? Do you want me to tell you about all the times I've thought about fucking you on my desk when you come to visit me? Just ripping our clothes off and rutting like animals on top of all those reports." He felt her clench around him and his hips stuttered. They were both coming undone. 

Cullen panted out his next words and had to drop his head to her shoulder in order to keep control of his mouth because he couldn't possible control his hips _and_ words _and_ the muscles necessary to hold his head up. "Or do you want me to tell you that ever since you came to me with this proposal the only thing I can dream of at night is both me and Alistair taking you? I wake, cock hard and wanting you and _nothing_ will make it go away until I take myself to hand." She arched up against him, her tight nipples rubbing against his chest hair. She was so close, he could feel her getting tighter and tighter around him. Her legs quivered around his hips. 

She cried out much louder than she had yet when one sword-roughened finger greedily rubbed at the pearl between her legs. "Fuck, Cullen!"

"Mm, that's the sound I picture when I come: you screaming my name as you fall apart around my cock. Or both of our names as we both make you come." His hips moved in an uncontrolled pattern, both of them on the edge of that sweet cliff waiting for that last little push to fall over. 

"Come for me, Ellana. Let me hear you come around me." He whispered gently in her ear.

And that was the push she needed to come undone beneath him. She screamed out sounds that she wasn't sure were actually words and Cullen wasn't lost in her pleasure. Watching her - hearing her - become reduced to a trembling mass with his name and other unintelligible words leaving her mouth pushed him over and he called out her name at the top of his lungs. 

She was a goddess and he was but a devout follower praying to her as he came. His arms shuddered under his weight and he feared he would fall attempting to not crush her with his weight. 

"It's okay," she murmured shakily pulling him closer. He let go and landed on her with his whole weight and gasped for air simultaneously wanting to surface from his pleasure and drown in it completely. 

\------------

Some time passed before either was able to form enough words for conversation. They found themselves cuddled in front of the fireplace under a pool of blankets and pillows from her bed. Though they were touching, their minds were a million miles away from where they were. 

"Cullen?" Ellana asked absentmindedly rubbing her fingers around his chest. 

"Hmm?" He mumbled as he roused himself from his half asleep thoughts. 

"The things you said earlier..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all of that." He rushed out as his body stiffened. "My mouth apparently runs on its own when I'm not actively trying to control it." He chuckled awkwardly refusing to look away from the ceiling. 

"No, I liked what you said. It was very... inspiring in the heat of the moment." Ellana laughed. "I just wanted to ask you about something specifically that you said."

"Which part?" He grunted playing dumb. He knew there were things he shouldn't have said - lines he shouldn't have crossed. But he threw all logic out the window for passion. 

"The part where you said I was your home."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, that."

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes.... It was why I hesitated to do this. Believe me - I wanted to but... Alistair needed to know how I felt. I didn't know if he would still want me to be the one if he knew how much -" he broke off suddenly feeling that she needed to hear this but too afraid to totally bare his heart for her.

"If he knew what?" She whispered pulling herself closer to his face so that she leaned over him. 

Taking a deep breath, Cullen looked at her. He may as well just say it. He'd basically told her as much when they were having sex - no, _making love_ is what she'd called it. "If he knew how much I love you."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "What?" She squeaked. 

"I'm sorry. I-I don't know what you want me so say. You were the Herald of Andraste and the Inquisitor first but even then I knew I loved you and then you were my best friend and- and _you saved me_  even before you could have ever known how. And look at you! Physically, you're beyond beautiful - you're like an Elvhen goddess in physical form and who you are underneath that? You singlehandedly hunted for food and clothes for the refugees in the Hinterlands even though you were cold and some days went without food yourself because you were so determined. You saved the Wardens when many think they didn't deserve mercy for the things they'd done. You saved Thom Rainier even though he didn't deserve or even seem to want to be saved. You helped Cole let go of the human things that were stopping his amulet from working. You're selfless and kind - many things most humans don't want to see in an elf but you made them through more selflessness and kindness. Does it really surprise you all of Thedas loves you? Does it really surprise you that _I_ could love you?" He paused in his ranting and looked away embarrassed. He'd said far more than he'd meant. 

Ellana just stared at him with her mouth hanging open and tears in her eyes but he couldn't see because he refused to look. He didn't want to see her face as she told him she didn't - couldn't - love him the way he loved her. It wasn't until she started sniffling that he looked up. 

"Oh, no, Ellana..." He shushed her as he cupped her face in his hands and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I didn't mean to make you sad.... I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you should've!" She shook her head vehemently. "I love you, too, Cullen."

His eyes flashed to hers. "Are you serious? But what about Alistair? He's your husband; you're always telling me about your love...."

"Yes, I do love him. More than life itself actually. I'm not sure how... but it seems I have fallen in love with two different people and I have been confusedly blessed by Mythal to hold more than one heart." She smiled at him. "Nothing will change between Alistair and I. We all know this. But we can be together too." At his quicker brow, she quickly added. "Alistair was surprisingly very adamant about this happening. He knows my feelings about you and I was a fool to think I could hide them from him of all people. But if he was really so disturbed by this, don't you think he'd be here tonight? Or decided that having a child wasn't worth the cost of me also being yours?"

"You could have asked anyone else..." Cullen started not sure what else to say. 

"I really couldn't and Alistair knew that. He knew it was a big cost to myself to consider sleeping with someone else for a child with him. I don't have sex lightly. Alistair has been the only other person I've been with. There has to be deep connections with that person. And true, I love Dorian enough to consider it but the attraction also isn't there. On either end. Maybe if I had a dick, he'd consider it. But that would defeat the purpose of everything." She snickered at the end seeming to find her own joke funny.

Cullen ran his fingers through her hair getting caught in her tangles. "You really love me?" He asked, still not quite believing.

"I do, Cullen." She smiled back, her eyes softening as she watched him. "More than life itself."

He sighed happily this time and pulled her back into his arms. "We should talk to Alistair in the morning. But for now, let's stay just like this."


	5. Ellana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I sort of fell off the face of the earth all month! I've been crazy busy with work (I actually quit one job where I spent most of my time writing lol) and Thanksgiving.  
> Phew! I'm so ready for things to calm down so I can spend more time writing this fic. Ellana and Cullen have more to tell! And Alistair as well! He wants everyone to know about his past with Ellana. So we'll be getting a few chapters from him soon or possibly a side fic depending on how much he wants to tell ;)

Ellana woke feeling so cozy and disoriented with sleep filled eyes. There was a banging noise coming up the stairs and she was half tempted to yell at whoever it was barging in at this hour while she slept so soundly.

Cullen awoke at the noises, too, sitting up as if prepared to defend her. Ellana could see the muscles in his back tense and then release as he saw the intruder. From where she was laying, her view was blocked by the couch but when she heard his voice, she jumped up.

"Good morning, lovers!" Alistair boomed. "I have breakfast. I'm trying to balance it as well I can but well...stairs are beasts when carrying a giant tray of food for two warriors and a magic elf!" He laughed. 

Ellana waited until he sat the tray on her desk then she kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Mmm, good morning, ma'len."

He hummed into her kiss as his hands trailed over her naked skin, lighting her passions once again. But he pulled away before she could entice him further. "Did you have a good night?" He winked at Cullen.

Cullen chuckled from directly behind her. "You could say that. What do you think, Ellana? Did you have a good night?"

She giggled as his fingers traced her spine as he passed them to examine their food choices. "I did, ma vhenan."

At the words, Alistair smiled understanding her Elvhen phrases. "Vhenan? It seems last night was more than _good_. And look at your _neck_! I don't think I've seen it that purple since we first got together. _Somebody_ was very excited last night." He teased. "Also, I believe I'm in need of hearing the words ' _you were right, Alistair._ ' But I will wait patiently for them if I must."

Ellana rolled her eyes at her husband. "Yes, it seems you were right. About everything." She glanced at Cullen who was staring back at her with so much love it was hard for her to comprehend how she ever missed it.

"I told you so." He snarked at Cullen. 

Cullen snorted behind him, mouth full of food with a full plate in his hands. He offered up the plate to Ellana and she took it happily shoveling a whole pancake in her mouth.

Cullen gave her a perplexed stare as Alistair just shook his head and laughed softy. "You know," Alistair started, "it doesn't matter how many years we spend together, I will never understand where you put all that food. Where does it go?"

"I have to have energy for saving the world, my love." She said through her food.

"And before the whole Corypheus thing?" Cullen added. 

"I was storing energy. Like a great bear!" She giggled before shoving another pancake in her mouth.

Cullen shook his head and sheepishly stared at Alistair. "I'm afraid food never crossed our minds last night. As far as I know, neither of us ate since breakfast yesterday."

Alistair laughed. "Ellana was worried. Worry is usually the only thing that makes her not eat. I was fearful of her not eating and worried about me while I was away. Lucky for me, you were there always seeing that she had something while she was at home at least." 

Cullen raised an eyebrow in confusion. "She told you about that?"

"Yes. And I had been corresponding with Leliana about things happening here and she let it slip that no one could get her to eat until you started having every meal with her while she was home. Leliana was getting worried about you, Ells."

Ellana blushed. "I didn't realize she was spying on me for you."

Alistair chuckled. "She was spying on you because that's what she does. With me, she just had some use for all the information she was gathering."

"Well I'm oh so happy for you." She grumbled at him suddenly remembering she had more food to eat and focused on that while Alistair and Cullen got more food for themselves lest their lady decided to eat it all. There was more grumbling from her when Alistair voiced that thought and Cullen just laughed.

Any awkwardness she had been worried about was thankfully not present - at least for the time being. Ellana was afraid of how Alistair would react when she actually came clean with her desires. After last night, she realized she couldn't just have a casual relationship with Cullen. She needed both of them and she realized that maybe that made her a bit selfish but she was past the point of caring. Alistair had pushed for this to happen so he'd have to deal with the consequences of those actions (or deliberate inaction, she supposed).

With full stomachs, Cullen and Ellana dressed while Alistair made himself at home on the couch, seating himself just so in order to watch them both dress - Cullen to his left in front of the fireplace digging through the blankets to find his clothes from yesterday; Ellana to his right digging through Alistair's dresser for one of his shirts. She knew he enjoyed seeing her in nothing but his shirts - it was her way of teasing him. 

Vivienne and Josephine both had tried to coerce her into getting some silly little things from Orlais or Antiva but Ellana knew Alistair was a simple man and wouldn't enjoy them like they seemed to think he would. If anything, he'd  probably just enjoy them because she enjoyed them. 

But perhaps? She watched him as his eyes moved appreciatively between the two. Despite knowing Alistair for nearly her entire life, perhaps there was still something she didn't know about her husband. He'd told her he would be joining them and originally she had thought it was more for her comfort and his own peace of mind but it seemed he wanted to join them for his pleasure as well. _Interesting_ , she thought. She would definitely have to talk to him about that later - a conversation she wanted to have alone with her husband despite her desire to have both men at the same time.

She settled in curling up in Alistair's arms as he dropped one leg so it rested on the ground giving her more room to sit and pulled the other up apparently giving her an armrest. His nose buried in her hair and he took a big whiff.

"You smell like sex," he murmured so low that Cullen wouldn't hear. "I like that smell on you." She felt his arousal beginning against her hip.

She smirked at him. "Really? Perhaps you should've been there to watch last night?" She said innocently.

He chuckled as Cullen sat down next to them much closer than most would consider "normal" for friends but still too far away to obviously be "lovers." He faced them appearing completely at ease for once in his life. It seemed something about last night changed Cullen, relaxed him. Ellana was happy for that. 

"There will be plenty of other times for me to watch, my love." Alistair purred in her ear causing her to shiver as her eyes locked on Cullen's. He shifted like a deer under the eyes of a predator. "Besides," Alistair said louder and cleared his throat. "I believe we had something else to discuss."

She shot him a glare over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at him childishly. _Take that for teasing!_ She thought. Out loud she said, "ah, yes." She cleared her throat. "Basically, I love you both and I want to _be_ with you both." There she'd said it. Out loud. To them and everything. Her voice didn't even shake either. 

For one moment she felt as if she'd achieved true adulthood - as if surviving a Blight and defeating a would be God and his minions by twenty-five didn't make her adult enough - she'd said her feelings out loud to the people who needed to hear them. Communication is key is adulthood to get what you want. That or sneaky plots meant to deceive but that wasn't what she wanted. 

Cullen oddly enough seemed a bit shocked. "You're serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She responded. "I told you how I felt last night and what I wanted to do. Why does this surprise you that I'd bring it up with you both?"

Cullen had curtesy of blushing and looking contrite. "I was afraid it was just pillow talk. Something to make me feel better after making you cry."

Alistair jumped in this time. "She does that sometimes when words hit her with just the right emotion." He chuckled a little remembering some memory of their past. "In any case, I've known how you both felt towards each other ever since I got here - suspected even before that with the letters I was receiving from Leliana."

"What?" Ellana squeaked. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well for one, it was just an assumption I made from her letters. _She_ gave no indication either way what was happening just literal observations of what she saw. Besides who wants to speak of such things over _letters_  when we're on opposite ends of the world? Once I got here, I realized my assumptions were correct. And I didn't see the need on calling you out because nothing ever happened that I would consider 'cheating.' And there was the whole Corypheus thing and you didn't need more on your plate." 

Ellana felt guilty at his words. "I'm sorry if I caused you pain, ma vhenan'ara." She placed her palm against his cheek, rubbing her thumb lightly under his eye. 

At that, Alistair chuckled. "I eventually saw that somehow your affections for Cullen didn't detract from how you felt about me so I stopped worrying about it. Until recently when the idea of children came up. At first I thought of the idea of you two together would just be a means to an end but then scrapped that idea because _I_ wouldn't be able to just have sex with someone I love for a child and then pretend like nothing ever happened - that my feelings wouldn't change. That's why I encouraged you two to be together  _alone_. You needed to work it out yourselves or you'd spend the rest of your lives miserable over it and apart. That isn't fair to either of you and it isn't fair to me or the child that comes from this."

"Alistair..." Cullen started. 

But he held up a hand to stop him. "Wait, please let me finish?" When Cullen nodded, he continued. "I don't know you personally as well as I would like but I know enough about you to consider this. You've taken care of my wife while I was unable not just because you love her but because you're a good person, you are a capable fighter and leader, devilishly handsome to a fault, and I remember how you were. I saw the tortures you experienced in Kinloch and the horrors of Kirkwall. It's kind of funny, isn't it?" He chuckled suddenly, the mood lightening. "All these years circumstances have thrown us together until we end up here with the woman of both our dreams wanting us still despite the things we've done and had to do. There was no way we could have known how important we'd be to each other all those years ago separated by a fucking cage in the tower."

Cullen smiled as well with an odd gleam in his eyes. "Yes, the Maker certainly has interesting ways of throwing us into a mess at the same time to find each other. Luckily this time, I'm a little less crazy."

Alistair laughed all the harder. "I don't know about that - being a leader and all qualifies you as crazy in my book."

Ellana slapped his arm lightly. "Hey! I'm leading more people than Cullen is _and_ Cullen too."

"I know. My point still stands." He smirked. 

"I changed my mind," she said with faux seriousness. "I'm leaving you since you think I'm crazy."

They both just snorted at her, revealing their disbelief of her remarks. She pouted at Alistair. "You could at least pretend to be hurt."

His bottom lip jutted out, mockingly. "You could at least be more convincing. I know your tells, Lady Theirin, and I know when you're lying to me."

She huffed but then her seriousness returned. "You two should spend more time together too. Get to know each other - especially if this is to continue?"

The men shared a look with each other. Alistair's hopeful, Cullen's unreadable. 

"I don't think that would be a problem." Cullen said finally with a slight smile. "I should at least get to know the man who will be raising my child, after all."

Ellana shook her head. "If everything goes the way I want, you'll both be raising your child." Her eyes drifted out of focus as she fantasized about her future with Alistair and Cullen and their child. 

Would it be a boy or a girl? Was there the possibility of them having more than one? Maybe a boy and a girl. The fantasy was just too tempting to not make a reality and Ellana would be damned if she didn't get her way. 


	6. Alistair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So terribly sorry about the wait for this chapter! I found out in early December that my boyfriend and I are expecting a baby this August! Between being completely exhausted from growing a baby and the holidays and checking out in a lot of areas in my life, posting new chapters has fallen way down on my list of things to do.
> 
> I will try to update at least once a month, though. Please bear with me and don't give up on this story :)
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy Alistair's perspective and some insight on how he and Ellana met.

The night Alistair spent alone while Ellana and Cullen were up in her room - their room - was the longest night he'd had in a long time. It reminded him of too many nights spent alone and too far away from her during the Blight and the consequenting crusade he and Aedan went on for a cure. He always had to leave her behind. Now, for once, she was the one leaving him behind. 

That sounded much more bitter than he liked. She wasn't really leaving him behind and this was his idea to begin with. Plus, it wasn't like he didn't like the idea of her and Cullen together. Or all three of them together. And what he hoped would come of their union made one night of uncomfortable thoughts more than worth it. 

Alistair sighed knowing that the reason for his bitterness was just being reminded of all those nights in camp during the Blight. The awkwardness of hearing Aedan and Morrigan's pleased sighs and moans passed quickly as he had been reminded of what was missing from his side. His wife. They hadn't been married for long before Duncan had recruited him to the Wardens - a decision he still didn't regret though he had to admit, he spent many nights alone wondering what had possessed him to think this was a good idea. The days, though, fighting with the Hero of Ferelden's rag tag band of misfits against the darkspawn always reminded him of why he fought. Ellana deserved a world free of darkspawn, free from the threat of being killed by those monsters or dying in a world overrun by them should they have failed. No, he did more good away from her for a time fighting the Blight than he would've if he had stayed by her side to protect her in person. Sending her back home to Clan Lavellan was a better and safer idea than dragging her along with him or even following her to the Free Marches. 

He'd decided to spend the night in Cullen's loft, a silly attempt to feel closer to them, he supposed. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he'd decided to sleep in Cullen's room. It was cold as shit in there - probably the coldest bedroom in all of Thedas. How Cullen hadn't frozen to death by now bewildered Alistair. There was no fire for warmth anywhere in the tower and there was a fucking hole in the roof on the other side of the room - no wonder Cullen always wore that silly floofy coat of his over his armor. The Inquisition had made Skyhold it's home over a year ago and he still left the damn roof open to the elements! Alistair made a mental note to question him about that later.

Plus, though Alistair would call Cullen a friend, they weren't exactly close. He was not nearly as close to Cullen as he figured he probably should be considering he'd grown pretty close to all of Ellana's inner circle in an attempt to make a place for himself within the Inquisition as more than just the Inquisitor's husband - he'd even made a special effort to take the time to get to know Dorian and Cullen the most considering Ellana was the closest to them. But Cullen was a hard man to crack. He didn't open up easily and had maintained a professional distance from Alistair. He suspected that had a lot to do with the fact that he was married to the woman Cullen loved more so than Cullen actually disliking him. But perhaps this would change things for them. 

Alistair couldn't deny that Cullen was an attractive man. It was something Alistair had noticed throughout the years about him and other men, as well. Though he'd never really felt any sort of physical attraction to any of them. Except Cullen. He couldn't deny that he wanted Cullen. And Ellana. He wanted them both. 

Ever since returning to Ellana's side to fight with the Inquisition, he understood Ellana's feelings of loving (though he couldn't say he loved Cullen - just merely lusted after him) two people at the same time. He'd thought - and told Cullen as much - that it was her big and beautiful heart that had made it so. That might be partly true but he didn't think that was all of it. 

He thought back to the days when he first returned home from the Blight - though it wasn't much of a home. He was constantly on edge from all the fighting they had done and he was afraid to tell her the things he'd learned about being a Grey Warden - that he would barely live another thirty years (if he was lucky), that he'd leave her alone and childless once he'd succumbed to the taint. It was the cruelest thing he could think of. Before the Blight even, they'd talked about having a whole litter of children. With her coming from a large clan and him growing up with basically no one, it was their dream. Neither wanted to be alone or to have one lonely child. 

At the time, they were living on a small farm in South Reach - far enough away from the stares and questions of humans and the Dalish elves of Ferelden who looked down on a human/elf marriage and away from any who would question Ellana's abilities. Being a mage outside of a circle or her clan meant extra precautions must be taken so she wasn't found out. They had two horses, a cow, and a few chickens plus a garden. The food and necessities they were unable to get for themselves, Alistair would get in the nearest town or by trading with passing merchants. Ellana was always careful to keep herself and her mage talents hidden. She was a skilled hunter as well. When she lived with her clan, her parents thought it best that she never completely rely on her magic to keep her alive. 

Alistair shook his head bringing himself back to the present. As a young and naive, fool in love boy, he didn't think much about her leaving the safety of her clan for him. She'd stayed behind because not many in her clan were receptive of her love for him. Her parents and the Keeper being the very few. Though Keeper Deshanna was more than happy to welcome her back during the Blight - when they'd relocated to the Free Marches, much to his relief - he was not welcome and only allowed to stay for a short time after the Blight and that was only because he was a "war hero" even among the Dalish. He'd helped the Hero of Ferelden stop this terrible Blight so he was given temporary sanctuary before he and Ellana had to leave again. He wasn't nearly as bitter about it as Ellana was. He understood their distrust and weariness of him - he was a shem, after all. He chuckled thinking of Ellana's distrust of him when they first met. It was one of his fondest memories of her, oddly enough.

**~~13 Years Ago~~**

"Get back here, you filthy urchin!" The merchant yelled after him but Alistair just ignored him. He was hungry and didn't have the money for food and there was no way Eamon was going to help him out of this mess. He'd given up on the boy for the sake of his Orlesian wife. Teagan helped sometimes but ever since Alistair had run away from the Chantry, Teagan hadn't been much help either. Of course, Alistair could have always asked but he was angry. Angry at his father for abandoning him, angry at Eamon abandoning him, and angry at Teagan for allowing it to happen despite having no way of stopping it. 

"You'll have to catch me first, old man!" Alistair yelled behind him, tauntingly. "How much is this cheese worth to you? Must be preeeetty expensive for you to chase after a boy for it!" Alistair laughed causing the merchant to become even angrier.

He could hear a slew of curse words as the merchant fell further behind. Though Alistair hated living in the Chantry and training to become a Templar for the last seven years, it had benefited him enough to survive on the run like he was. And sword training and hand to hand training was helpful in sticky situations. He ran past the town gates and into the surrounding lands. Once he was far enough away from the town, he stopped by a stream to catch his breath and enjoy his cheese. All that running had just made him hungrier! Blasted thing living on the run with no family or friends was having nowhere to go and no one to help you. Or anyone to talk to. Turns out Alistair had wasted plenty of excellent one-liners on himself. Of course, they were also wasted at the Chantry because no one there had any sense of humor whatsoever. Alistair vaguely wondered if the Maker had been funny - he had to be otherwise the Chantry probably wouldn't exist in its current form. It was a joke, honestly. 

There were a lot of belief issues he'd had with the Chantry mothers and Templars during his training. He preferred to not think on it - especially when he had such enjoyable cheese to eat. 

As night began to fall, he realized it probably wasn't the best idea to just fall asleep out in the open so he grabbed his pack intending to find the nearest safe place to set up camp. 

Somewhere behind him, a twig snapped and he paused, ears prickling to hear more. The hair on the back of his neck and arms stood at attention. He was being watched, surely, but by who? He turned slowly to look behind him but saw nothing. Almost feeling the silent movement behind him, he whipped around intending to draw his sword as he did so but found a dagger to his throat instead. 

"Put one finger on that sword and I'll slit your throat, Shem." A feminine voice said darkly. The elf in front of him was slight even by elven standards and she had bright green eyes that were narrowed in on him and red hair that was pulled back from her face revealing it's paleness. No tattoos either, which meant she was young. Certainly not old enough to be out here attacking a man twice her size. 

"And you are?" He said haughtily. 

"My name is Ellana Lavellan, if you must know, shem. And if you are here to harm my clan, I will let you know now that you will not survive this encounter." It was almost adorable how sure of herself she was. 

Alistair chuckled. "I'm not here to harm anyone, Ellana Lavellan. I'm here because I'm trying to find a safe place to sleep. I didn't realize that I was in Dalish territory." He lifted his hands where she could see them for good measure to prove his innocence. 

"Really? And what is one little Shem doing out here alone?" She asked backing away from him but not sheathing her blade. 

"I could ask the same of you, little elf." He teased. 

"I'm the First of my clan and will someday be the Keeper. It's my job to do what's best for my clan and right now that's protecting them from shems like you!" She said the word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth. 

"Shems like me? You don't even know me, Ellana Lavellan. You don't even know my name." He said sounding offended which only seemed to make her even more mad. 

She laughed though the sound was bitter. "You shems are all the same. You look down on us because we have pointed ears and worship Elvhen gods, not yours."

At this, Alistair laughed. "What makes you think I worship the Maker. I worship no one, little elf. And if you must know, the reason I'm here right now is to get away from 'the shems and their God'." 

She paused and he saw her ears twitch. "Why, human?"

He supposed "human" was a step up for "Shem." He'd take that, for now. 

"Because I don't want to be a robot trained to leash mages, that's why. I want to live my own life how I want. I don't want to be the bastard prince or the Templar or some sort of clergyman. I don't want any part of that life!" He cut himself off realizing he'd said more than she probably wanted to hear. So he lightened things but adding, "my name is Alistair, by the way. Alistair Theirin."

"Well, that's a wonderful story, Alistair Theirin, but you're still a human and you're not to be trusted." He felt a humming in the air around him with electricity. 

"Wait! You're a mage? But you were using a dagger." He was surprised and impressed with how much control she had over her power for someone so young. "How old are you anyway?"

"I'm full of surprises, Alistair Theirin." She smirked. "And I'm fourteen summers and I could still kick your ass with a dagger alone."

He laughed. "I don't doubt it! Tiny thing like you and so quiet probably would've killed me before I'd even known it if I hadn't already spent five years with the Chantry training to be a blighted Templar."

"Don't test me, Alistair Theirin. I am skilled in magic and dual weaponry. You stand no chance against me!" She cried, clearly seeing his teasing as fighting words. 

He held up both hands in a gesture of peace. "Whoa, whoa, little elf. I meant only to jest. Most people don't like my jokes. You are not the first." He shook his head. "Anyway, could you please point me to the nearest cave that will not get me killed? Then I'll be on my merry little way and we'll both pretend like this never happened."

The little elf paused. "You swear to stay away from us? That you mean us no harm?" Her clear and broken distrust of humans made his gut ache in a way that he didn't understand. Then his stomach growled and he assumed it was just hunger. 

"I swear, little elf. I mean you nor your clan any harm. And if you point me in the right direction, you won't see me again." He said. His stomach growled, louder this time. He saw her ears twitch at the sound. 

"You're hungry." She stated. "When was the last time you ate, little human?"

"Well I ate something earlier but being a growing boy and all, it wasn't enough." He chuckled awkwardly, not wanting to admit the truth. 

"You said you were running away. Does that mean you have no food? Or water? Or a halla or aravel?" Her head turned down and she muttered to herself. "Wait, no, humans don't have those."

"I have only what I had at the Chantry. My sword, my armor and a pair of clothes, and a bedroll - which I stole - and, well, no, that's basically it." He shrugged.

"There is a cave not far from here at the base of the mountain." She pointed in the direction of the cave. "If you don't venture too far in, you won't meet the spiders so I'd suggest getting in just far enough to stay dry in case it rains." She started digging through her pack before she finished talking, then pulled out a small parcel. "Here, this is all the food I had brought with me to get me through the night patrol. It isn't much but take it."

"No, I can't take the food from someone as small as you - do you even eat? You're so tiny. All you elves are so thin!" He balked.

She sniffed. "I do eat and I do eat a lot so just take it without making remarks about my body." She shoved the package in his hands almost spitefully.

He frowned. "I'm sorry, that was... unworthy of me. I'm not used to people being nice. Thank you, really." He even smiled slightly for good measure. 

She sighed. "If you're still here tomorrow around midday, I can sneak you some food so you'll at least have something for the road when you move on. Meet me here if you wish." Then she was off like a shadow into the night. 

He didn't know what to do with this little elf. It seemed this was her way of becoming friends. 

Huh, Alistair thought, never really had a friend before. I wonder if they all try to kill you first. 


	7. Cullen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild nsfw after the cut

Cullen spent the entirety of the next day trying to get the images of a blissed out Ellana from his mind. It was becoming completely distracting. And - not to mention - sporting an erection while overseeing his troops' training was more than a little awkward.

"How are you feeling today, Commander?" A voice asked him behind him.

"Alistair," Cullen responded by way of greeting. 

Coming to stand beside him, resting his hands behind his back casually, Alistair sighed. "Come on now. You wanted to talk and get to know each other better. Is this a bad time?" He chuckled lightly.

Cullen snorted. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this - how to be friends."

"Oh, that's a crock. We've talked before. If I recall correctly, we had a _lovely_ conversation just the other day about you sleeping with my wife." He was entirely too lighthearted for Cullen's tastes.

"Do you have to say it like that? Like she was just some fuck - a means to an end for all of us?" Cullen hissed. 

Alistair smiled at that. "Not at all, my friend. I was just trying to get you to open up. You spend too much time being serious. How long did it take for you to open up to Ellana? To let her in on all your deepest secrets?"

"Last night." He whispered after a moment. 

At that Alistair paused, a flash of seriousness in his eyes. "I know how hard this must be for you knowing a bit of where you come from but, Cullen,..." he sighed seeming to not know how to put his thoughts into words. "I'm not trying to make things awkward or somehow feel that you're just loaning your services out to us. You are important to her and that makes you important to me. I'll admit that I'm very intrigued by this whateveritis that she's presented to us but it's not just because of her that I'm making an effort here. You're a good man, Cullen, if you'd open your blasted eyes to see it. I want to get to know that man for reasons beyond our little elf."

Cullen blanched a little. _Our_  little elf. He had been having a hard time reconciling what Ellana had said about all three of them together - all of them a family even before a little heart joined them - with what he felt he deserved. A family, her love was beyond what he'd ever thought he'd have. Even with the addition of Alistair (something he didn't expect and wasn't sure he was against), he felt unworthy of them. But Alistair had included him - was going out of his way to make him not feel like he was stepping out of bounds into someone else's territory. 

He sighed and did he best to relax his posture. "Okay, Alistair." He looked into his eyes. "If this...whatever we're becoming becomes too much for you or her, tell me. I will back away at a moment's notice if I must. I love her too much to ever come between anything you two share."

Alistair smiled. "I believe her thinking is that it will be shared with you. From both of us." He chuckled. "I'm not sure how that will work or if it will but I'm willing to try and see where it leads." Did he just wink at Cullen? Cullen blinked thinking he was seeing things. "Anyway,  Ellana will be leaving in a few days with Ambassador Josephine to oversee some peace take between Queen Anora and Empress Celene. Perhaps while she's gone, we could spend some time together. It will certainly make our days less boring if nothing else." Alistair laughed as if he'd told some great joke. 

"You don't mean..." Cullen wasn't sure how he felt about such a thing. Yet. 

Alistair laughed harder. "Of course not, my friend. We barely know each other! I merely meant spending time together getting to know each other. Becoming _real_ friends first and foremost. We can discuss the rest later."

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief and let out a low chuckle. "Thank the Maker - no offense! I just...  don't feel comfortable with, uh, that yet."

But Alistair's feathers weren't ruffled. "That's okay. I understand. While the idea is certainly there... it would be too much too soon. I don't want anything to be messed up here. I want us all to be happy and I'll be damned if I'm the one to mess it up."

The two men were quiet for the moment thinking over each other's words as they stared sightlessly over the troops training below them. Surprising himself, Cullen was the one to break the silence. 

"Do you play chess?"

"Of course." Alistair responded immediately.

"After Ellana leaves, we should play a game or two." 

Hopeful brown eyes met his own as he nodded to the request. "Yes, I'd like that."

\-------

Cullen spent the last few hours before she left in their bed chambers with. He wanted to say a private goodbye before the official Commander's farewell. He and Alistair sat on the bed next to each other as she threw the last of her belongings in her bag before coming to stand before the two. With some amusement, Cullen noted that even sitting, he and Alistair were almost taller than her. 

"I'll only be gone a few days, I promise!" She assured them pulling them both into her arms and holding them to her chest. "Maybe I'll even have good news when I return." Cullen tilted his head back to see the hopeful expression covering her face and couldn't help the smile that stretched across his face in return. 

"Maybe," he responded happily then he shot a playful between her and Alastair. "Of course, if not, we can always keep trying."

He didn't miss the heat that filled both their eyes at his suggestion but flushed anyway wondering where the sudden boldness came from. 

Ellana hummed, "yes, that is always an option. But they do say an increased sex drive is common in pregnancies. I have a feeling even if I do come back with good news, you'll both still need to keep practicing... you know for purposes of child number two only." The mock seriousness in her face didn't match the heat of her eyes as she bent towards Cullen. 

The moment her lips touched his, he let out a small groan and gripped her tighter to him, nearly pulling her from Alistair's arms. He heard Alistair's slight huff as he held her just as tightly awaiting his turn but Cullen couldn't care about that because he was getting lost in her softness. 

Everything about her was so _soft_. Her lips as they were molded to the shape Cullen wanted, his tongue lightly slipping inside with a small gasp from their elf. Her skin as he slid his hands over her back and under the silky shirt she wore, occasionally bumping into Alistair's sword-roughened fingers as he did the same. Her little gasps when he pulled his lips away to move down the pale column of her throat, nipping lightly the whole way down. He felt Alistair rising above him to claim her lips and couldn't help but lay his head on her shoulder to watch, curious to see them.

One of Alistair's hands slithered from her low back to tenderly hold the back of her head, cradling her to him as he gently pulled her plump bottom lip into his mouth and sucked. The ragged breath she let out at that matched Cullen's as he realized just how erotic it was to watch the couple. He didn't dare move, though; he didn't want to shift and disrupt them. Alistair hummed as the fingers of her left hand tangled in his hair and tugged him closer. 

He pulled back slightly to let Cullen's lips steal another kiss, this one even more passionate than the first. Neither he nor Ellana were as gentle as their first kisses - teeth clacking and scraping against each other lips. The bed suddenly lifted on his right side as Alistair disappeared but Cullen couldn't find it in him to open his eyes to search out the other man.

Her weight suddenly being pushed between his legs and the moan that slipped out surprised and loud told him. His eyes opened and saw a flash of ginger that didn't belong to the woman in his arms. Alistair had pressed up against her from behind and his full lips were placing rough little love bites and kisses on her ear - a place Alistair was very aquatinted with to bring his wife pleasure. An idea sparked in Cullen's eyes as he used one hand to pull Ellana into his lap and the other to grip Alistair's hip tugging him along and much closer than he'd ever really been to any man - even if there was a woman in their arms between them. She straddled his lap now, no doubt feeling the very obvious erection between her thighs. A sharp moan left her as he thrust up against her at the same moment Alistair bit hard into her neck. He felt Alistair's knuckles brushing against his nipples as he reached between them to massage Ellana's breasts. They both gasped - hers pleased and his surprised at the small pleasure Alistair had accidentally given him.

"Please!" Ellana gasped leaning her head back against Alistair's shoulder as they both assaulted her neck, claiming the milky territory together. Molten gold met melted chocolate as they seemed to reach a silent decision together. 

While Alistair's hands slipped down into her clothing, she gasped out his name and Cullen reached in from the back to palm her ass. As Alistair rubbed her clit, Ellana ground down into Alistair's hand and, consequently, Cullen's hard length. They all let out surprised groans at that and he noticed one of her hands was behind her back rubbing insistently against Alistair's length and he could feel by the way her body would sway forward and back that Alistair was thrusting against her seeking his own pleasure. He could tell from the smirk on her face that she was unmaking him with one hand. 

"More," she purred and Alistair's hand slid further down so he could - Cullen presumed - slide his finger into her. Cullen pushed her shirt up so he could pull one nipple into his mouth and massage the other breast in his hand. She mewled loudly, calling out both their names as if unsure who was doing what. 

Was this how things were going to be from now on? Despite having never done this before, he and Alistair worked in tandem - a bit clumsily, he had to admit - to bring their elf to completion. And she seemed to be spiraling there very quickly from her moans and jerky motions and the way she tugged at Cullen's hair as if not knowing whether to pull him away or push him closer. 

A hard knock against the bed chambers door froze them all suddenly. Alistair was the first to recover, muttering out a harsh "not yet" and resuming his work inside her leggings. She moaned again - more softly knowing someone was at the door. Cullen followed suit and they worked with more urgency, needing her to release almost more than she did. 

Cullen vaguely heard a second, louder knock but ignored it as Ellana came apart above him with a shriek. Alistair's lips dropped quickly to hers to silence her. She twitched and hummed and almost appeared to be vibrating between them. 

She wrapped one arm around each of her men and murmured her love to them both softly as she melted between them. 

"We love you too, vhenan." Alistair whispered tenderly placing a small kiss on her cheek. Then he pulled away to retrieve her bags with a muttered "I'll meet you at the stables." Then they heard Alistair speaking with whoever had been at the door. 

Ellana took a moment before she stood on wobbly legs. "That was certainly not what I was expecting for my goodbye." She said with a shaky laugh which did nothing for the heat that was still pooling low in his belly. "Can't say I'm complaining, though. If that's what it's going to be like..." She trailed off with starry eyes and then shook herself back to awareness. "Come, it's time for me to go." With one last kiss, she left with him not far behind her. 


	8. Alistair

Things had certainly not gone as planned when Ellana left. He wasn't exactly sure what the plan had been but nearly fucking his wife and Cullen had not been it. 

After Ellana and Josephine left toting Dorian, Cassandra, and a few Inquisition soldiers as a precaution, Cullen had retreated to his office claiming he had reports on the keeps across Thedas to look over. Alistair didn't doubt he had work to do - there was always work to do - but he couldn't help but feel that he was hiding behind it all.

He busied himself at the stables wondering if he was hiding too. But from what, he didn't know.

Life had certainly been much simpler before the Inquisiton. Correction: life had been much simpler before the Blight. Back then, it had just been himself and his little elf on their little farm with their love and dreams of starting a family to get them by. He remembered the nights they would spend awake talking about children and how many they would have and what they would name them. At the time, they'd both felt too young to think about actually having children right then. Now, Alistair wished they had been older or had tried anyway. Maybe they would have been ready. Maybe now they'd have a few children running around Skyhold to keep him occupied while she was gone....

But that wouldn't have worked, would it? The Blight still would have happened and Alistair still would have become a Grey Warden, leaving her alone with the children and who knows what could have happened to them during that time. And, more recently, they wouldn't have sought out Cullen's help in having _more_  children. Alistair sighed deeply to wash away those thoughts. There really was no point dwelling on what could have been. He'd accepted a long time ago that things didn't work out the way he wanted for a reason. He'd had to be a hero fighting beside Aedan against the archdemon. He was supposed to be a king, apparently. 

Thinking of the Landsmeet brought him no joy. Once Ellana had found out, she'd been pissed. After, of course, celebrating the fact that he'd helped kill an archdemon and survived. An angry little elf was much scarier than the archdemon. 

**~~~10 Years Ago~~~**

"You know Eamon wants me to name you king at the Landsmeet." Of course, Aedan would jump right in to a conversation Alistair didn't want to have. 

"I know." He snapped. "I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with Anora or Cailan's throne. I am a Grey Warden and that is all."

"That's not the only reason you're refusing, is it? Does Eamon even know about your wife?" Aedan sighed as if very tired. 

Alistair deflated some at that. "No, he doesn't. He hadn't seen me in ten years when he first woke up in Redcliffe. I don't plan on telling him either because I'm not going to listen to what he had to say about humans and elves. When I became a Grey Warden, I didn't actually plan on fighting a Blight or even being separated from her.... It didn't seem so serious at the time.... But now I'm just ready to get this archdemon killed and go home to her. Dealing with this political nonsense is just distracting us from the real problem we're all facing."

"But Loghain must be dealt with otherwise we'll never even be able to kill the archdemon without having to fight him. Besides once this Landsmeet is over, we'll have  Eamon's troops and perhaps even Denerim's soldiers as well."

"Fine, fine." Alistair huffed, exasperated. "You're right; I know that but I'm begging you, Aedan, if you're my friend at all, _please_ don't put me on that throne. If for no other reason than why you wouldn't take it." His cast a sideways glance over to where Morrigan was sitting still reading over that damn book of her mother's. "You wouldn't want to become king and have to leave her or, at best, make her you're mistress while still being expected to take a wife, would you?"

Aedan's eyes were glued to Morrigan, considering. "No, I wouldn't. And I never really think about how lonely you must feel without her by your side. I know I'd feel lost without Morrigan-"

"Why that is, I can't possibly understand." Alistair chuckled darkly. "But, yes, I do feel lost without her. I'm constantly wondering if she's safe, if she's happy. With us being on the move so much, I haven't had word from her since Lothering saying she made it to her clan safely. Lucky she had your brother to get her as far north as possible. I don't think I could have let her go on her own - despite how feisty and ruthless she is."

"So send word from here. We'll be in Denerim for a while yet. I'm sure not hearing from you for over six months has her worried sick. Especially being so far away."

Alistair's eyes lit up in excitement. "That's true. I will write to her now! Um, but let's keep this whole king business under wraps. I don't want her to know about this. She'll think it's her fault or something." Aedan laughed and agreed as Alistair scurried away. 

**~~~9 Years Ago~~~**

Alistair had been in the Free Marches for a few days now, having sent word from the port he landed at. Ellana had sent coordinates to the clan's location before that. He was so close now he could almost smell her. 

Maker, what would it be like to have her in his arms again? What did she look like? Had she changed much since returning to her clan? Was she exactly the same? What would he look like to her? With newfound scars and a darker look in his eyes, would he be the same Alistair that had parted with her at Ostagar? Would she be the same Ellana?

He saw two elvhen men standing outside the camp and eagerly walked up to them. Ellana was just inside there somewhere!

"Hold there, shemlen. What's your business here?" One of the elves asked him. 

"My name is Alistair. I'm here to see my wife, Ellana Lavellan Theirin." He replied breathlessly. It had been over a year since he'd last seen her. Why were they stopping him now?

"Hmph," the other elf snorted. "Of course her shem would track us down. Good. Take her away from here before more shems show up."

Alistair quirked his brow at the second elf but otherwise ignored him. 

"Very well, Alistair, you are welcome." The first said, stepping aside to let him pass.

As he walked, he realized he didn't even know where to begin looking. The camp wasn't overly huge so he figured it wouldn't be that hard to find her.

"ALISTAIR?!" The voice of angels cried from somewhere to his right. 

And that was all the warning he had before he was tackled to the ground by his tiny five foot two wife. He chuckled as she landed on top of him and started dropping kisses all over his face. 

"Yes, wife, it is I, your heroic Alistair!" He laughed as his arms wound tightly around her waist holding her against him. He would never let her go again.  

Her responding giggle was music to his ears - a sound he'd been without for far too long. Having Ellana in his arms again felt like finally having his soul reconnected with his body. It was heady and delightful. 

"It seems unreal having you here." She murmured resting her cheek against his heart listening to it beat. 

Alistair suddenly realized much of her clan was staring at them. "It is and all of that is over now. We will not be separated again. But... can we take this somewhere more private?"

She looked around them, blushing as she also realized they were not alone and nodded. "Yes, I have a tent nearby that I've been staying in." She led him by the hand away from all the judgy eyes. 

Once alone, she flung herself back in his arms and held him tightly. "Where will we go now? We can't stay here for long."

He smiled gently at her. "Aedan is now Warden-Commander of Ferelden. He has said we could come stay at Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine while we deal with the remaining darkspawn. The Blight may be over but the darkspawn are not finished, though unorganized. We will take care of the remaining blighters and figure it out from there." He smiled gently at her knowing she'd be happy to fight by his side again.

"And that's another thing... how did you both survive? I overheard Duncan talking once about how an archdemon was defeated." She bit her lip, his only indication of the anxiety she'd felt the last year. He couldn't resist kissing her honeyed lips - it had been much too long for him to think of anything other than reuniting with his wife. "Wait, vehnan, I missed you too but I missed hearing your voice. Talk to me?" When she batted those long lashes at him and those glittering eyes, he was powerless to do anything less than what she asked. 

He sighed and pulled away slightly. "Morrigan had a magical sex rite to save us both." At her quirked eyebrow, he hastily added. "Not me! Maker, no, not me! Just Aedan. I didn't get all the details - thank the Maker - but with her ritual, they made a baby that ended up saving us both in the end."

She paused at that. "Is... is the baby okay?"

He smiled gently down at her. "Yes, it's fine. From what Aedan said, it will be just a normal boy or girl when it's born despite whatever happened to it when we killed the archdemon."

"Good, I'm glad they brought you back to me." She smiled happily snuggling against him again briefly. "Which brings me to another thing: why didn't you tell me that you were going to be _king_ and you just _walked away_ from it?!" She shrieked in sudden outrage. 

Alistair flinched. "I wouldn't have been able to keep you if I had. At best, you be nothing more than my _mistress_ and I'd have to take some other woman as wife in a sad attempt to produce an heir for the throne. Besides, Anora has been ruling for the last five years before the Landsmeet. She'll be much better ruling than me!" Her face still held controlled anger. "No, don't give me that look; Ferelden may be my country and I may be its bastard prince but that doesn't mean I should rule. I grew up knowing that wasn't my place and never wanting it. Do you really think people would want a bastard king on the throne? No they wouldn't. I can do more good as a Grey Warden and I can keep you in the process. So don't look at me as if I've made a terrible mistake because any decision that lets me keep you is the right one." His chest was heaving and his nostrils were flared from passion. 

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just... thought you could do so much good as king as well. You think you're better off not making the hard decisions but you're a natural leader, Ali, you would've been glorious on that throne." She smiled softly which did wonders to calm him down.

"How did you find out?"

"Word spread to the Free Marches about the bastard prince Grey Warden who turned down the throne when asked to lead. I knew it had to be you because Aedan was a Cousland - he would've been in the next best position to take the throne. Not the first. I may be Dalish but I pay attention to things around me. Especially if it gives me word of you." She smirked as she leaned in for another kiss, one that lasted longer and had much amorous results. 


	9. Cullen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry about this update taking so long! I've been having a rough time lately in my personal life and when I would sit down to write, Alistair and Cullen just didn't want to speak to me. I've started on chapter 10 and will hopefully have that one up in a more timely manner.

He was hiding. He knew he was. Not from Alistair. At least he didn't _think_ he was hiding from Alistair. He just... wasn't sure what to think. Burying himself in his work always helped clear his mind - whether that was going over reports or sparring with the Inner Circle or training the troops. 

He didn't even realize how late it had become until Alistair was knocking on his door with a tray of food at dinner. 

"Oh... you didn't have to do that, Alistair." He said in surprise as the other man sat the tray in front of him with a soft smile. He really was an attractive man, Cullen thought idly. 

"Ells asked that I make sure you remember to eat while she's gone because you also have a tendency to forget." He laughed. "And sharing a meal should count as spending time together last I checked." 

Cullen chuckled as the two dug in to the meal in front of them. They ate in silence shooting glances at each other when the other wasn't looking. As he watched this man almost inhale his food, he realized something in him that Ellana loved - his endearing thoughtfulness. He tried to hide it behind sarcasm and playing dumb but there was a soft-hearted man underneath all of that. A man that tried to keep that heart hidden from most. 

"So Ellana never told me how the two of you met." Cullen started figuring it would be him for a change that reached out.

Alistair threw his head back with a hearty laugh. "She didn't, did she? Probably didn't want to make herself look like a bad guy." He sobered up some but the mirth still twitched on his lips and twinkled in his eyes. "She actually tried to kill me, feisty little thing she is."

"She what?" Cullen was astounded. Having seen first hand just how much she loved the man in front of him, he had a hard time believing she had tried to kill him.

"I had run away from the Chantry and accidentally came too close to her clan in the dead of night while trying to find a place to sleep. After I had convinced her I didn't mean her or her clan any harm, she gave me food and pointed me in the direction of a cave where I could sleep. We basically became inseparable ever since - much to the displeasure of most of her clan." He frowned at that. Cullen knew she'd run away from her clan to be with Alistair but he didn't know the specifics of it. 

"What happened with her clan? I know she left but she never really seems to want to talk about it. Says it's the past and it doesn't matter anymore. But she went back during the Blight?"

"We were drawn to each other. I can't really describe it in any other way. From the moment she decided I wasn't just some shem there to harm her clan, we couldn't stay away from each other. I travelled when her clan travelled though from a much further distance away and I was only able to track them because she'd leave little trails to guide me. When they had settled for a time, she'd spend all her nights with me. I'm sure her mother knew - she was a very perceptive woman and kind like Ellana is.

"Anyway, it was innocent at first. We wanted to learn everything we could about each other. We'd lived such different lives and being a human and a Dalish elf became a point of fascination for both of us. I wanted to know everything about her Creators and she wanted to know everything about the Maker - though, I didn't have much a kind word to say about Him at the time. And her being a mage came up. The Dalish treat their mages differently than we do. She was in line to be the Keeper; she was so adept at magic and even for someone so young, she was so controlled and became the First when she was thirteen not even a year before I met her." He trailed off, lost in thought. 

"That was how I felt when I met her. She was completely passed out, mind you, from coming back through that rift, but when the guards brought her to me, I couldn't stay away from her." Cullen thought back to carrying that tiny elf to Cassandra and Leliana, now wishing he hadn't because they had immediately locked her up. He had to admit, if he'd been thinking clearly, he probably would have done the same. "It seems kind of funny now. _Of course_  an ex-Templar and an almost Templar would have fallen in love with a mage." He chuckled at the irony. 

"Forbidden love. Varric says that's what all the women love." He heard a low rumble fall from Alistair's lips.

Having a normal conversation with Alistair really wasn't as hard as he'd tried to imagine it would be. Alistair was open - willing to share anything with him to make him more comfortable with their arrangement. Cullen, on the other hand, was becoming more uncomfortable because he didn't know how to do this - how to _not_ see Alistair as competition or how to _not_  feel like a cheating bastard for sleeping with his wife. 

"It certainly feels forbidden." Cullen muttered darkly. 

Alistair smiled gently. "I'm sorry - I don't really know what else to say. I'm trying to make this as easy as possible. I've never done this before either. I don't know how to make the right move to be your friend or... maybe more, who knows." He shook his head. "I guess... I just wanted you to know that any awkward feelings you may be having, you're not alone in them. Neither of us really know what we're doing, do we?" A shaky laugh fell from his lips and Cullen thought he was even more handsome when he was embarrassed. 

"You're right. I guess if I could just get out of my head a little more things would be less weird." Cullen chuckled awkwardly as he shook his head. 

"That's your biggest problem, Cullen. You spend too much time trapped in your head, you forget there's actually a life around you." He responded seriously brown eyes meeting honey. 

\-------------

After their conversation the day before, Cullen admitted to himself that Alistair was right. He'd always spent too much time in his head whether he was feeling literally trapped or regretting all the things he should have done before the Inquisition or lost in thought about work. He didn't think he'd actually lived the last ten years. 

A sudden spark - or what felt more like a conflagration - of insight made him realize this strange arrangement with Ellana and Alistair - while causing _even more_  internal conflict - had made him feel more alive than he ever had. He decided to quit pretending he wasn't attracted to Alistair as well. He would tell him and whatever happened would happen.

Cullen's heart beat nervously as he sought out Alistair for the chess match they'd spoken of. He needed to tell him he was right and that maybe it would feel good to let go of trying to control everything. 

Unsurprisingly, he found the Grey Warden in the stables. 

"What is it with Grey Wardens and living in barns?" Cullen teased as he found Alistair putting away the manure fork from cleaning out the horses' stalls. 

"Hey, as I heard, your 'Blackwall' wasn't a real Grey Warden." Alistair shot back over his shoulder. "But animals are easier than people, I suppose. I grew up in a barn, after all; horses are like brothers and sisters at this point." He snorted at his own joke. 

"You grew up in a barn?" Cullen responded completely forgetting for the moment why he'd come down here. 

Cullen noticed a bead of sweat rolling from his jaw down his neck and felt himself start to sweat in return. "Yeah, before I was shipped off to the Chantry. It wasn't so bad. The horse master took pretty good care of me and one of the mares seemed to think I was her lame foal - what with having no fur and two legs and all." He shrugged as if it didn't really bother him. "Anyway, what did you need?"

Cullen shook his head to clear it. What was wrong with him? "Um, right. I came to see if you would play a game of chess. I need the break and you look like you could too."

\----------

Alistair, as it turned out, was a terrible chess player. Not as bad as Ellana was the first time they played but still pretty terrible. 

At first, he thought the other man had some crazy Grey Warden strategy to winning the game and nearly lost trying to figure it out. But after Alistair's first loss, he admitted to having no clue what he was doing. Cullen spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding work to teach him the game - much like he had Ellana.

"Are you even trying?" Alistair asked finally with a laugh when Cullen started throwing the game after their third round. 

"Yes, you're just terrible and I'm trying to go easy on you!" Cullen shot back. 

"Was Ellana this bad when she first started playing?"

"Yes, except it was obvious. She didn't know what she was doing and she _still_ tried to cheat." He laughed loudly at the memory of her frustration at having been beaten. The look on her face every time he brought it up made it even better to remind her of that first defeat. 

"Well that fits." Alistair snorted. "But she used to be _good_ at bluffing her way through shit. You must've rubbed off on her. You're very obvious on the field with that fluff around your neck!" 

"Hey now!" Cullen laughed reclining in his chair and stretching out his legs. His boot brushed against Alistair's leg but they both pretended not to notice and didn't move away from the other's touch. "It's warm and practical." He finished softly.

"And it makes you look a bit like a lion." Alistair replied saucily. "Admit it. You _like_ being king of the jungle." He snorted at his own joke. 

Cullen shook his head with a small smirk choosing to not reply. "Are we going to finish this game or not?"


	10. Ellana

Ellana was just itching to get Dorian alone to speak with him. As one of her best friends, she felt it was imperative she tell him about the arrangement her and Alistair had with Cullen. He'd spent the better part of his time with the Inquisition teasing her about her and Cullen's obvious affections toward each other. He'd shit himself once he found out.

Once they arrived at the inn to rest for the night, Ellana dragged Dorian to her room whilst receiving questioning looks from Josephine and the nearby soldiers. Also catching Cassandra on the way, she pulled her along too.

"What is the meaning of this, Inquisitor?" Cassandra barked in her rough accent as Ellana bolted her chamber door behind them.

"I have something to tell you both but it doesn't leave this room. Got it?" At their intrigued nods, she faltered. Would they think any less of her? Dorian certainly not. He'd probably congratulate her in his completely inappropriate way. Cassandra? Maybe. Her beliefs were a lot more traditional than Dorian's. She took a deep breath and decided to start with the easier knowledge to depart with. "Alistair and I are trying to have a baby."

There was a pause then a flurry of excitement as Cassandra's romantic heart ran away with her and Dorian's congratulations got lost behind the Nevarran warrior.

"That is great news!" Cassandra exclaimed. "For how long now? Are you already pregnant?"

"Weeeeeeeeell..." She dragged out not knowing how to say what came next. "We've been trying since this whole war with Corypheus ended but he's given up hope since the chances of a Grey Warden actually having a child are very slim."

Before she could continue, Dorian interrupted. "You can't just give up! The trying is all the fun, right?" He winked. 

At that, Ellana chuckled nervously. "Well yeah, it is, but the thing is - and no, Cassandra, I'm not pregnant. At least I don't think so yet." Cassandra visibly deflated at that. "The thing is, we have sortofaskedCullentohelpus." Her anxiety gushed. 

They both froze - probably trying to make out her word vomit - but Ellana's anxious brain was convinced they were judging her. She started picking at her nails to avoid looking at them. 

Dorian was the first to recover. "Did you just say that you're sleeping with our dear commander to try to make a baby with your husband?"

"Yes," Ellana squeaked. 

Dorian started laughing while Cassandra's first response was outrage for her friend.

"You know he's in love with you!" Cassandra blurted as if she'd divulged some deep hidden secret, which to be fair, had been the case before he'd told her. 

"Yes." Her squeak was a little more confident this time. 

"You know he's a man of commitment and loves you and would do anything for you and you choose to have sex with him so you and Alistair can have a child?! What's going to happen when you do fall pregnant with Cullen's child?" Cassandra started pacing much like Cullen did when he was frustrated. She really was a protective friend - her gentle heart covered in armor ready to go to battle for the people she cared most about. 

Dorian tried to soothe her. "Calm down, Cassandra. She hasn't told us everything yet. No need to go to war for your friend when you don't even know what's in it for him. It's Cullen - even if he does love her, he's not going to just fill a hole for them and disappear." His eyes widened as he realized his choice of words and started snickering. 

The women shared an incredulous look and both fell into giggles as well. 

"I hate you, Dorian," Cassandra gasped out through her decidedly un-warrior like giggles.

"No, that's not how it is at all. I... really do love him. I want them both and I want them both in this child's life - assuming there is one. I'm still trying to not get too excited about that just yet. But they know this and they're both okay with it." She explained meekly. 

"Well, well." Dorian chuckled. "Cullen, commander of the Inquisition _and_ the Inquisitor's dirty mistress. I like the sound of this!" 

"You're a pervert, Dorian." Cassandra barked, though she had a smirk on her face indicating she enjoyed his take on the situation.

"Yes, well, I don't know how Alistair and Cullen are dealing with their end of it. They get along just fine and I can tell Alistair is attracted to him but I have no idea if it really will be the three of us in a relationship or just me with Alistair and me with Cullen. But we've agreed that we _all_  be parents for this baby so that's what really matters." Ellana defended. "And Cullen is _not_ just my dirty mistress!" She snickered at how ridiculous it sounded but fretted on the inside knowing that's exactly what people would think should they find out.

"Well, this whole trip just proved to be worth the hassle." Dorian said in his jovial manner.

"It certainly has," Cassandra agreed then shot a hard look to Ellana. "Don't let Varric find out about this otherwise it'll end up in his book!"

Ellana's eyes widened. "You don't really think he'd do that, would you?"

"He cannot be trusted when it comes to juicy stories." Cassandra said through narrowed eyes.


	11. Alistair/Cullen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am soooooo sorry about how long this took. I could go into details about where I've been but I'll just leave it at: my life turned upside down in the best and worst ways. Not that I don't want to tell but I know everyone is here to read about our favorite men instead of hearing about my life lol
> 
> I will say that while I am planning to continue this story, updates will be very slow. Real life graciously has that affect on us all -______-

~Alistair~

Despite knowing the odds of her returning home with good news, Ellana was still disappointed when her monthly bleeding came. It seemed her cramping was worse than normal and her mood more foul.

"It's okay, my dear." Alistair reassured as he lightly massaged her back to help alleviate her pain. Although he knew it wasn't really the cramping that was bothering her. It was the mere fact of bleeding at all. 

This had become their little ritual every month since they began trying - usually with Alistair's accompanying feeling of failure for not being able to give her what they both so desperately wanted. But something was different in him this time. Perhaps it was because _she_ finally realized what he'd known all along or that maybe this time, it was the fact that Cullen was with them, giving him more hope than he'd thought possible within the last ten years. 

Ellana sighed as she lifted her head from the pillow to peek at him through tear-filled eyes. "I know. It only happened once and it might not have even been on a fertile day but still... I didn't realize that I was still getting my hopes too high."

"Your hopes aren't too high, my dear. It will happen, I know it, and I'm sure it will happen soon. Before you know it, we'll have our own little one to spoil and love." He paused thinking of how to word his next thought.

"What is it?" She asked, turning in his arms to face him.

"Well I was just thinking that perhaps we shouldn't focus so much on the outcome and what we're missing every time you start bleeding and just focus on the moments as they happen. Have fun exploring this new relationship and each other's bodies." He implored, feeling as if his words were inaccurate in making his point.

She stared off into the distance mulling over his words. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe I am too focused on what we'll get in the end that I'm not even really enjoying what we've discovered in front of us."

"Well I didn't quite mean that..." Alistair stuttered.

"But it's true. I do love Cullen but I'm still just trying to _use_ him to have a baby - even if he's willing and wants this too - it isn't fair to not let our relationships with each other really grow while also trying. I've known him for a while now but our relationship has changed. As well as yours and mine. As well as what is becoming of you two." She paused in her realization. "You said you wanted the three of us to be together this next time and anytime after.... Maybe we're both still thinking too much of the sex and passion part of this and that's why it didn't work."

Alistair chuckled at her. "I don't think that's why it didn't work."

She lightly slapped his shoulder. "I know that! I just mean - well I don't really know how to explain what I mean. That the higher powers know that we're only focused on getting what we want that we don't know what we'd actually do once we get it?"

"No, that makes sense. So what do we do? Court Cullen?"

"Exactly! That's what we should've been doing in the first place - not just inviting him into our bed and me claiming I want a life with you both."

_____________

Wooing Cullen turned out to be harder than Alistair thought. Sure, Ellana had no problem with it since they already had a relationship as a starting point. But Alistair was left feeling like he had to start from the beginning. Become friends - really get to know him. Was he even sure he wanted a relationship with Cullen? He liked the man, lusted after him, but could he love him?

And for another matter: would Cullen even want a relationship with Alistair? Or would he just want to be friends and share their mutual love for their elf? He couldn't exactly blame Cullen for feeling that way. Two men together - while grudgingly accepted - was still taboo. That's not even thinking about a relationship between the three of them. They'd have to be careful no matter what. 

Finally, Alistair decided he'd just have to come out with it. That's the only way he had ever known to do things: just spit it out - usually awkwardly and clumsily. But at least his feelings became known. 

Taking a few deep breaths to center himself, he made the trek from the stables to Cullen's tower - hoping that he might catch him alone for once. 

___________

~Cullen~

Ever since Ellana had returned to Skyhold, she had made herself scarce. He hardly saw her except at war council meetings - and that was hardly the place to talk to her. 

Had he upset her somehow?

Was she displeased with what almost happened before she left? She had seemed perfectly responsive in the moment but what if there was some boundary that he had unknowningly crossed?

What if she had taken the time away from them both to think about what they were doing and decided it was no longer what she wanted? Was Alistair upset? He had seemed pleasant enough while Ellana was gone but upon her return, he retreated with her. 

Cullen _tried_ not to worry but the entire turn of events left him on unsteady ground. And if there was one thing Cullen didn't like was not having any control or even an inkling as to how things would turn out. Perhaps that was a downside to being the commander of the Inquisition's army - always planning every angle and now that he had become so used to it, he didn't know how to handle not being in control of other areas of his life. After the horrors of his past, he could barely admit to himself how much anxiety the lack of control caused him. 

As he worried over these questions for the blasted four-hundredth time, he completely missed Alistair slipping into the tower. 

"You know, I just realized how easy it is to sneak up on you when you're lost in work." Alistair casually commented.

Cullen startled, his hand automatically gripping the pommel of his sword. Alistair was leaning against the door frame the picture of ease - arms crossed over his chest, one foot crossed in front of the other, cheeky smirk on his face, and the sunlight filtering in behind him. Cullen thought he'd never looked so handsome. 

He cleared his throat and pretended that he was not just about to attack the intruder. "Yes, well, you're lucky I didn't kill you."

At that, Alistair's smirk grew. "Yeeeees because I clearly couldn't handle myself in a fight. It's not like I'm a ruggedly handsome Grey Warden or anything."

Cullen's eye twitched. "Is that a challenge, perhaps?"

Alistair laughed outright at that. "Perhaps it is! What fun that would be!" He pushed away from the door and closed it behind him saying, "that wasn't why I came here, though." He moved toward Cullen's desk, the smirk now gone from his face. 

Cullen felt his heart rate stutter and pick up a faster beat in nervousness. Was this it? That terrible moment where he was told that he couldn't have what he wanted - no matter how oddly he had received it in the first place. Was Alistair here to tell him this all had to end when he'd just had but a mere taste of it?

He tried to not let his panic show but it seemed Alistair already knew how to read him and grinned gently at him. "Don't worry, Cullen, I'm not here to drop you off the side of the mountain. You can breathe, you know. It's just me." That only made him feel marginally better.

Alistair seemed to hesitate when faced with what he was actually there to say. Cullen's brow quirked in curiosity. He shook his head a bit in decision and started again.

"Ellana is not pregnant." Alistair frowned a bit. "That's why we've been withdrawn. She's been upset and I've been trying to comfort her. She thinks she's managed to get her hopes too high from one... coupling - thinking that it would work when... I don't know really. I didn't have any expectations from one time but I know this is what she wants - not just a baby - she wants you also." He babbled then turned away running a hand through his hair nervously.

"Oh," Cullen started hesitantly. "Alistair... if any of this is a problem, I don't want to come between you. Even to give her what she wants - what you both want."

Alistair jerked back around to face him. "No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that! It's not a problem - at least not the way you think it is. Which is why I came to talk to you. But... I don't know _how_ to talk about it. It's quite odd and perhaps even more so than everything else we're doing." He chuckled awkwardly in the silence.

Cullen waited outwardly patient for the other man to get his thoughts together but on the inside.... Oh, on the inside, he was burning to know. Needing to know that this could continue with Ellana - that it would never stop. That perhaps there could be something between them and even... something with Alistair. 

"Alistair..." he started. 

"Look, I'm just going to come right out and say it because I really don't do subtle." He interrupted. "You know how Ellana feels about you - and you know how I feel about that. But what you don't know is how I feel about you. It's like... I don't really know exactly - intrigue? Something more? Sexual attraction alone doesn't exactly cover it but I can't go so far as to say that I love you - we don't know each other well enough for that. I respect you for all you've overcome and what you've done for my wife; I like you - as a friend, a man, and possibly something more. My question is do you... feel anything... similar?" He trailed off at the end looking surprisingly bashful. His cheeks were flushed red beneath his tanned skin and though he'd started out keeping eye contact, his eyes now fell to the desk between them pretending to read the reports that were upside down before him.

Cullen cleared his throat awkwardly taken completely aback. In all his wildest dreams - which granted, were never really that great - he didn't think Alistair would be standing in front of him professing feelings towards him. He couldn't quite wrap his head around it and repeated Alistair's words at least ten times before finally realizing that he was, indeed, proclaiming to care about him as... something.

"I... I don't know what to say...." Cullen started. "I don't know what's happening between us - all of us - but... I would like to continue figuring it out." He smiled gently as Alistair raised his eyes back up to his with a light shining in them that Cullen understood to be hope. Men like them didn't get much hope so it was a beautiful and foreign thing to see it brightening a fellow soldier's face. 

"Well... good. I'm glad we're on the same page then! Whatever page that may actually be." They both laughed awkwardly at that. "So... what do you say to dinner in our quarters tonight?"

He felt a smile stretching across his face of its own accord. "I'd like that."

"Good! See you at six o'clock sharp. Take the night off, Cullen, you need a break!" Alistair laughed heartily as he turned and left the room with a wave over his shoulder.

___________

Before the bells had even finished their six o'clock chiming, Cullen was at the door to the Inquisitor's chambers. He took a deep, calming breath before knocking once and entering. His feet felt heavy as he made his way up the steps, which he didn't understand because he'd shed his usual armor and mantle before coming.

He'd barely breached the top of the stairs before a tiny elf tackled him in a hug. "I'm sorry!" She said into his chest as he caught himself mid-stumble.

"Please, it'll take more than a surprise attack from you to knock me down." He laughed returning her hug, finally feeling freer than he had since the moment he'd last left her quarters. 

She paused for a second, confused. "Oh! No that wasn't what I meant - although I'm sorry I attacked you too - but I meant for disappearing." She pulled out of his arms with a contrite expression. "I don't know why I reacted so badly. It wasn't anything to do with you, I promise!" Her eyes were so open revealing every emotion that he had no choice but to believe her. Not that he would have questioned her, in any case. "I just... didn't want you to think that you had done something wrong and I fear I may have made things worse by withdrawing and for that, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Ellana. I know things are very... strange between us all but it will all get figured out eventually. And I'm sure you'll have your child before long." He grabbed her hand to show that he really meant what he said.

What worried him the most was that even if she did mean him harm, he'd happily allow her to do whatever she wanted to him. Such was apparently the way of love and he felt the ground shake beneath him. But looking between her deep eyes and Alistair across the room, he was slowly realizing that even if he fell, they would catch him.


End file.
